Kept Secrets
by xThisGirlIsOnFirex
Summary: Brittany has the shock of her life when she arrives at Santana's house on Christmas Eve and finds out that she's in the hospital. What is the huge secret that Santana has been keeping?
1. Hospital Drama

Kept Secrets

Christmas Eve had always been Brittany's favourite day of the year, she liked it better than Christmas Day. Every year, she'd help her family put up the Christmas tree before making her way to Santana's house and doing the same with her. She and Santana would then order a pizza and sit down together to watch a Christmas film, usually Home Alone. This year was different though, and it started when Brittany was on the phone to Santana on Christmas Eve morning.

"I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight," Brittany said as she sprawled out on her bed, the phone pressed to her ear. She was currently staring at the ceiling whilst Lord Tubbington curled up on her stomach, making herself comfortable.

"Oh, sorry Britt," Santana apologised from the other end. "I...I can't do tonight; I have something on."

"But we do it every year," Brittany reminded her, stroking her beloved cat. "It's tradition, I can't eat pizza and watch Home Alone by myself. What do you have on?" Santana was silent. "San?"

"I'm sorry Brittany but I have stuff on," Santana said completely ignoring Brittany's question. "I'm really sorry, next year though okay?" There was a pause and some noise in the background. "I have to go now, speak to you soon."

"I'll see you tomorrow," Brittany said but Santana was silent once more. "I'll give you your Christmas present," Brittany continued but still nothing. "San, are you still there?"

"Yeah," Santana sighed, "Britt, I...I love you."

"Love you too San," Brittany smiled to herself as Santana hung up. "Love you too," she whispered and placed her cell onto her bedside table. "At least I have you Lord Tubbington, even though I'm still mad at you. I know you've been smoking again and you were the reason Santa never received my Christmas list. You didn't have to throw it away, just because you're jealous that you didn't get any presents last year. Now thanks to you, I won't get any presents this year." The cat climbed off of his owner so Brittany decided to head downstairs.

"Mom, the cookies are almost done!" Her eight year old sister Kimberly squealed as she ran round the kitchen. She loved Christmas just as much as Brittany. "Hey Brittany, we're making cookies," Kimberly said once Brittany arrived in the kitchen.

"Why aren't you at Santana's?" Linda Pierce asked her eldest daughter.

"She can't do tonight," Brittany whispered and shrugged her shoulders. "She seemed slightly off with me actually and I have her Christmas present still. I said I'd take it to her tomorrow but I...I might go now."

"Is she out tonight?"

"She didn't say," Brittany said, "She just said she had stuff on so I assume she's doing stuff at home with her parents. Is it okay if I go over?" Linda nodded and walked over, planting a kiss on Brittany's forehead. "Save me some cookies," Brittany smiled and ran to grab her bag and Santana's Christmas present from her bedroom. She'd gotten her a necklace with matching earrings to go with the colours in Santana's homemade friendship bracelet that Brittany had gotten her the previous year. Slipping on her coat, she left the house.

It wasn't a very long walk to Santana's house. She was able to do it five minutes, even in the thick blanket of snow that had been laid over Lima. She soon arrived at Santana's house but wondered if Santana was out as her mom's car was gone. Her dads was there though. Biting her lip and tucking the present under her arm, she walked up to the door and knocked lightly, hoping that at least Santana would be in. Her dad answered.

"Brittany, I wasn't expecting you this evening."

"Hi Mr Lopez..." Brittany went to say but the old man cut her off.

"Brittany," he chuckled, "I've told you before to call me Emilio. What are you doing here?"

"I...I came to see Santana," Brittany gulped with a small smile, "I...I know she said she had stuff on but I have her present and I wanted to make sure that she was okay."

"She and my wife have literally just left," Emilio told her, "To the hospital, didn't Santana tell you?"

"Um...no..." Brittany shook her head, "Is her mom okay?"

"It's actually Santana," Emilio told her, "Something's come up, we thought that it was best if she saw a doctor." Brittany's heart stopped beating for a second. Santana, in hospital? It didn't seem right. "Brittany," Emilio waved a hand in front of her face, snapping her out of her trance. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Brittany nodded faintly, "Mr...Emilio, um...sorry to throw this on you but are...are you able to drive me to the hospital at all? Please, I...I need to see Santana and..."

"Don't worry about it," Emilio placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "Let me just get my coat." Brittany smiled and happily waited on the cold, snowy doorstep as Emilio grabbed his coat and locked up the house. "She'll be okay Brittany, would you like to sit in the front or back?"

"Front," Brittany said as she hopped into the passenger seat. She'd often been close with Santana's dad. Emilio loved her childlike personality and her ditzy attitude and he often laughed out loud at the stories that Santana told him about Brittany. Emilio still hadn't told Brittany what was wrong with Santana though but she didn't ask. She'd rather just get to the hospital and check on her girlfriend.

When they arrived at the hospital, they headed up to the reception desk and gave them Santana's name, mentioning that they were family members. The receptionist seemed pretty bored and tired sitting at the desk but gave them the room number anyway.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Emilio asked and rubbed Brittany's back. She nodded with a smile and clutched Santana's Christmas present. They found room 101 and walked inside, stopping dead in their tracks as a loud scream filed the air. It was Santana.

"Sweetheart, calm down," Aletta sobbed as she sat in a nearby chair watching as Santana struggled to get away from the doctor's grasp, hitting and kicking them. "They want to help you."

"Don't touch me!" Santana screamed and hit the doctor named Andy. "Get off!"

"San," Brittany managed close to tears. Santana didn't hear her though and continued her hitting and kicking.

"Come on Brittany," Emilio whispered in her ear, "We can come back later, she would have calmed down by then."

"No," Brittany sobbed and shook her head. She went to speak but two terrifying words were heard from the doctor.

"Sedate her!"

And Brittany just had to stand and watch as Santana was knocked out.

**Well I had this story idea and it was only when I was writing it that I realised it sort of fits, as today is national mental illness day. Anyway I hope you like it, I'd like to thank franzih24 for helping. Let me know what you think in a review. If you do have the time to favourite and alert, then please leave a review as well. It keeps the writer happy.**

**Thanks. **


	2. Santana's Story

**Franzih24: Thank you and thanks for the help.**

**Linneeagb: Thanks for the review.**

**Boris Yeltsin: Yeah.**

**Santanalover16: Thanks, glad you like it. **

**J4M3Z XO: I was so sad when they broke up and glad you agree with the reviews thing. Glad you like the story.**

**WWTGGD: Thank you.**

**JWilson18: I didn't either until someone posted it on Facebook. Thanks for the review.**

**Cyan55: Haha you'll soon find out.**

**Anonymous Chica: I am continuing it, don't worry. **

**Here is the next chapter guys! Yay! :D**

Brittany stayed at Santana's bedside, watching as the Latina slept peacefully. Her dark hair was falling in front of her face and her dark, brown eyes were shut tight. It scared the blonde to think that this was how her girlfriend was spending Christmas. Brittany sighed deeply and grabbed hold of Santana's hand, kissing the back of it gently and running her fingers over her knuckles. Whilst Aletta and Emilio had left to give Brittany some time alone, they'd also made a quick phone call to Linda just to let her know what had happened and that her daughter was okay.

Brittany was about to get up to leave when she felt a gentle squeeze on her hand. Turning back to Santana, she noticed her eyes flicker open as she rolled onto her back with a groan.

"San," Brittany whispered and gave her hair a stroke before leaning down to kiss her cheek, "You're awake. It's me sweetie, Brittany."

"Britt," Santana groaned. She seemed quite tired and out of it but Brittany could understand why. "Where am I?" she managed, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hands.

"You're in hospital," Brittany told her quietly, "Don't be scared. Do you know what day it is?" Santana shook her head wearily. "It's Christmas Eve San, December 24th."

"What are you doing here?" Santana asked her.

"I wanted to check if you were okay," Brittany kissed her again, "I was so worried San, you really scared me. Do you know why you're here?"

"I don't know," Santana sat upright, wincing in pain as she did so. "God, I...I remember seeing something," she managed to say. "And I...It felt like I was going back to my past. Then I...I just remember my mom's voice and I...I panicked I think."

"What did you see?" Brittany questioned, acting as if Santana was psychic and could see into the future.

"My uncle," Santana whispered and hung her head.

"Santana, your uncles dead," Brittany reminded her, "There's no way you could have seen him. It might have just been a bad dream." She shrugged her shoulders, "I know something that will cheer you up, I have your Christmas present with me." Brittany reached down and took the present out from under the chair, handing it to Santana. "I think you'll really like it."

"It's not Christmas yet Britt," Santana laughed as she clutched the nicely wrapped parcel in her hands.

"I know," she nodded, "But I want you to have it today, go ahead and open it." Santana smiled and carefully tore away the paper to reveal the necklace and earrings that Brittany had brought her. "They go with your friendship bracelet."

"I love them," Santana said and reached across to give her a kiss, "Thank you, can you maybe wait for your present?"

"Course I can," Brittany nodded, "Don't worry honey; there's no rush." The door to the room opened and a short, brown haired lady with glasses entered. She wore a long white coat and she had that kind, doctor smile.

"Santana, good to see you're awake," she smiled and walked over to the bed, "I am Doctor Liddle, Doctor Roberts told me that you were pretty upset when he tried to see to you." Santana shot her a confused look. "Andy, I'm sorry," she apologised, "He lets all his patients call him by his first name."

"And you don't?" Santana asked as she felt Brittany squeeze her hand comfortingly, "Brittany, I'm fine."

"You can call me by my first name if you'd like," Doctor Liddle said, "I'm Amy; how are you feeling? You were out for quite a while."

"Okay," Santana shrugged, "I couldn't remember much, only about what happened before I came here."

"And what did happen?" Amy asked.

"I...I saw things," Santana whispered, glancing from the present, to Brittany, to Amy. "My uncle mostly. It...It was when I was six and it was Christmas Eve, he was talking to me."

"What was he saying?" Amy asked.

"I didn't hear," Santana shook her head, "It was just muffled as if I...as if I wasn't suppose to hear it. My mom started calling my name and I...I can't remember anything after that."

"Your mom told me that you hit her," Amy said gently. "Apparently you'd been quiet for a while, staring into space and when she called to you then you lashed out and hit her."

"I don't remember that," Santana whispered.

"Why did you do that San?" Brittany asked. "Your mommy loves you and you're meant to love her back."

"This is Brittany," Santana sighed to Amy and pointed at her girlfriend. "My girlfriend, she just came to say hey and give me my Christmas present."

"That's nice, always nice to have visitors eh?" Amy asked, nudging Santana's arm.

"I'll be home for tomorrow though," Santana smiled at Brittany and then turned back to Amy, "Right? I will be home for tomorrow, won't I?"

"I'm afraid not Santana," Amy shook her head, "In situations like this, we have to keep you in overnight. It's the hospital policy."

"But it's Christmas," Santana whined as Brittany began to rub small circles up and down her back, "And what situation may I ask? There's nothing even wrong with me."

"Santana, your mom gave us some very good information that may come in useful." Amy told her, "You used to have panic attacks, right?"

"No," Santana shook her head, "I just got panicky in crowds and in big tests at school. I never actually had panic attacks."

"When did these panicky moments start then Santana?" Amy asked, putting air quotes around the word panicky. Santana sighed, not liking the sarcastic tone in her voice.

"When I was about nine, ten," Santana said, "I don't really remember, it was ages ago. I'm fine now though, it doesn't happen anymore."

"Your uncle Santana?" Amy asked, "What was he...What was he doing in this vision of yours?"

"You use your hands a lot when you talk," Santana pointed out rudely to the doctor.

"Don't you? Amy asked with her head on one side. "I find most people do when they're trying to say something in particular. Can you answer my question for me?"

"San doesn't like to talk about her uncle," Brittany whispered, sensing how uncomfortable Santana was getting. "She was quite close with him and he died when she was eight."

"He died when you were eight?" Amy asked and Santana nodded faintly, "How?"

"Car crash," Santana managed to tell her.

"And you began getting these panicky moments," she began, again using the air quotes, "When you were nine or ten, do you think that's linked at all?" Santana shook her head. "Were you close with your uncle? she asked and the Latina nodded. "Is there a time that you can remember, between you and your uncle? Maybe the one in your vision?"

"It was Christmas Eve," Santana sighed deeply. "I was six years old, my uncle had taken me down to the church to wish my aunt a merry christmas. She'd died not so long back. He...He leant down and whispered something in my ear. I...I still remember the smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke on his breath but it was what I liked about him. It was as if it was his own, special smell that no one else had. Anyway, he whispered in my ear that he had a special present for me."

"And what was it?" Amy asked, after Santana had finished her story.

"I...I don't remember," Santana shrugged, "I actually can't."

"Thank you for that Santana," Amy said, "That was very helpful." She got up and turned to Brittany, "Five more minutes, then I'm afraid we will have to let her sleep."

"I'm not tired," Santana pointed out to Amy.

"That's alright," Amy reassured her, "We have something for that, don't worry." She smiled at Santana before walking out of the hospital room. The door slammed shut, leaving the two girls alone.

"Are you okay?" Brittany asked.

"Yeah," Santana sighed deeply and hung her head, "I think so."

**Whoa, long chapter. Hope you liked it anyway, let me know what you think. I'm so glad that people like this story so far. More to come. **


	3. Christmas Day

**franzih24: Thanks. **_  
_

**Santanalover16: Haha keep being curious.**

**nayasleftboob: Thanks and your pen name makes me laugh :) I love it. **

**Anonymous Chica: Haha so glad you like my stories. Sorry to leave you in suspense. **

**Boris Yeltsin: Glad you do.**

**Linneagb: Here's the next update.**

**J4M3Z XO: Hmm we'll have to wait and see and I know, I'd hate to spend Christmas in the hospital. **

**Thanks for all the kind reviews guys. Brittany makes the hospital fun for Santana in this chapter, it makes me want to date her and I'm a straight girl. Anyway, hope you like this chapter.**

"Wow Kim, I love it," Brittany said as she held up the purple photo frame full of family photos that Kimberly had made herself. "Thanks little sis," she smiled and hugged her little sister. "I'll hang it above my bed where I can see it."

"Thank you for my onesie, I'm so glad that the presents got to Santa on time." Kimberly beamed as she swung her legs back and forth to show off the yellow, duck onesie that Brittany had given her. As soon as she unwrapped it, she'd changed into it straight away.

"That's alright kiddo, you're like my own little duckling now."

"So, who's going to help me with the dinner then?" Linda asked her two girls. "I'll need help carving the turkey Brittany," she said to her eldest, "and help with the dessert Kim."

"Mom?" Brittany asked, suddenly going really quiet. "I um...I was actually planning on going to see Santana today." Linda looked quite disappointed but she understood why Brittany wanted to spend Christmas Day with her girlfriend. "I was going to take her one of those little light up Christmas trees that we keep in the basement and some decorations. We were going to decorate her room, it's a surprise."

"That sounds like a very nice surprise," Linda smiled, "Just let me have a shower first and I'll help you get some bits together, alright?"

"That's okay mom," Brittany said and stood up from the couch, "Kim will help me, we'll be fine doing it." Linda nodded and kissed her daughter's before heading upstairs to take a shower. Brittany couldn't help but feel guilty. Her and Kimberly's dad had died when Kimberly was only two and since then, the two girls and their mom had always spent Christmas together; just the three of them.

"What's wrong with Santana?" Kimberly asked as they walked down to the basement.

"I don't know Kim," Brittany sighed and found one of the boxes, opening it up to look inside. "She's just not very well at the moment. What do you think of this?" She held up an ornament of a snowman and turned the switch, making it dance and sing a Christmas jingle.

"She'll like that," Kimberly laughed, showing off the gap in her teeth. "There's this," she held up a little white tree with flashing green and yellow lights on it.

"Just grab whatever you can find," Brittany said, "Most of this stuff is the stuff we never use for Christmas anyway."

"Yeah," Kimberly sighed, "It's mostly the stuff Dad brought, right?"

"I...I don't know," Brittany shrugged her shoulders, "These boxes have been down here for years, we never use them."

"Paper chains!" Kimberly squealed with excitement and pulled out a long, green paper chain, throwing it to the floor. "We can take Santana some turkey as well."

"Maybe not," Brittany laughed and shook her head, "I think we probably have enough things, put them all in this box." Brittany picked up an empty cardboard box and placed it on the floor, gently standing the snowman inside along with some old Christmas cards that never got sent. Kimberly put in the Christmas tree, the paper chains and a couple of Santa hats.

"Can I come with you to see Santana?" Kimberly asked in a small voice, "I like seeing Santana."

"I don't think so Kim," Linda answered before Brittany could. None of the girls noticed that she'd come down the stairs in her nightgown, her hair washed and up in a towel. "I think maybe Brittany should visit her on her own, alright?" Kimberly nodded and hung her head. "Would you like a ride to the hospital sweetie?"

"Yes please mom," Brittany nodded. "If you don't mind."

"Course not, let me just get some clothes on and dry my hair and I'll take you. Kim, you'll have to come for the ride I'm afraid. I can't leave you home alone."

"Can I wear my onesie?" Kimberly asked.

"Of course you can," Linda laughed and headed up to dry her hair.

* * *

"I'm kind of nervous," Brittany confessed as she sat in the passenger seat of her mom's car. Kimberly was sat in the back, listening to her new iPod that she'd received from her mom that morning. "About seeing her, I don't know why."

"You're bound to be," Linda comforted as she turned right and reached over to rub Brittany's knee, "It's always scary when your best friend is in the hospital. I remember when Janet was in the hospital."

"Aunty Janet?" Brittany asked, even though Janet wasn't her actual aunty. She was just a close friend of the family so she and Kimberly both called her Aunty Janet.

"Yeah it was just after she had Thomas. She'd had to have a c-section so she needed to stay in the hospital for a few days."

"What's a c-section?" Kimberly asked, looking up from her iPod.

"Oi you!" Brittany laughed and leaned over to slap her leg playfully, "I thought you were listening to your music."

"I am," Kimberly giggled and got back to singing along quietly to herself. Brittany turned round to see that they'd now arrived at the hospital. It looked even scarier than yesterday and Brittany suddenly felt quite sick. Linda gave her a kiss and a goodbye hug and Brittany took the box of Christmas bits before getting out the car and going into the hospital.

"Brittany Pierce," Brittany told the receptionist once she was inside. "I'm here to see Santana Lopez."

"Room 101," the receptionist sighed. Brittany nodded and made her way down the corridor, going the exact same way she'd gone before. She knocked before walking into Santana's room, but Santana wasn't in her bed.

"San?" Brittany asked and shut the door behind her, placing the box on the chair next to the bed. She was about to speak but saw Santana exit the bathroom attached to her room, in the middle of tying her hair up. "There you are, merry christmas," Brittany smiled and went to hug her. "Good to see that you're out of bed."

"I was taking a shower," Santana told her, "What's with the box?" She asked, gesturing to the box.

"Oh, you will love me for this," Brittany jumped up and down, clapping her hands together. She ran to the box and opened it up, taking out the cards and the paper chains, "We are going to decorate this room for you." She tickled the top of Santana's head with the end of the paper chain and went to hang it from the door with some tape that she had thrown it at the last minute. "Does that look good?" she asked, stepping back to examine her work.

"Yeah, it looks great," Santana nodded in agreement as she reached into the box to look at the tree. "Thanks Brittany, you didn't have to do this."

"I wanted to," Brittany smiled and gave her a hug and a kiss. The door opened and Amy walked in with a red tray. "Hi Amy," Brittany said politely as Santana climbed back into bed.

"Merry Christmas," Amy said and came to place the red tray on the bedside table, "Christmas dinner for my number one patient; turkey, vegetables, gravy and some apple juice. Here," she handed Santana the card that was also lying on the tray. Santana opened it up and read it.

"What's it say?" Brittany asked.

"To Santana. Merry Christmas and feel better soon, Love Doctor Liddle (Amy) and the rest of the hospital staff," Santana smiled and looked at Amy, "Thank you."

"Would you like anything Brittany?" Amy asked the blonde, "I think we have some turkey leftover."

"I'm okay thanks," Brittany shook her head, "I'll have dinner waiting for me when I get home. I hope it's okay, I've just decorated Santana's room for her."

"That's fine," Amy laughed, "It looks very nice."

"I have this too San," Brittany said and pulled out the snowman, turning it on so it sang and danced for her. "A little lame, I know but I thought that it was quite cute."

"It's brilliant," Santana reassured her, "Thank you." She turned back to Amy, "So, when will I be out of here?"

"Not for a while yet Santana," Amy shook her head, "We're looking at before New Years Eve but it really does depend on what your test results come back as." Santana nodded, trying not to get her hopes up. "Well I will leave you to eat now, are you sure you don't want anything Brittany?"

"I'm sure," Brittany nodded as Amy got up from the bed and left the hospital room. "She seems nice," Brittany told Santana. "Do you like her?"

"She's nice," Santana shrugged, "I just...It's just kind of depressing, spending Christmas Day in here."

"The dinner looks nice," Brittany smiled, trying to look on the positive side. "Don't they know what the matter is yet?" Brittany asked and Santana shook her head. "Look on the bright side San, there are people out there who are going through worst things like cancer for instance. You're not dying, are you?" Santana shook her head. "There we go then, they'll find out what's wrong and you'll be fine."

"Promise?" Santana asked, knowing that Brittany kept her promises.

"I promise."

**Whoo Christmas! Haha, hope you liked the Brittana fluffiness. **


	4. Bleed

**Boris Yeltsin: It's like an all in one pyjama suit thing. Hard to explain really.**

**franzih24: I know, I love sweet scenes.**

**J4M3Z XO: Got to love a bit of sweet, Brittana fluff. In this chapter, she does get out.**

"Will you quit bloody worrying over me?" Santana snapped as she stormed through the door of her house, bag slung over her shoulder. Emilio and Aletta followed close behind, rolling their eyes at their daughters behaviour. "I'm fine, alright?" It was December 28th, the day Santana was finally allowed to go home. The hospital hadn't been too bad. Brittany had visited every day and Amy was nice; Santana had another appointment some time in January, she couldn't exactly remember what date. **  
**

"Are you sure you picked up your medication?" Aletta asked, "the last time you were on meds, you didn't even take them."

"I'm older now," Santana scowled, "And yes, Amy actually put them in my bag for me." Santana dropped her bag and stormed over to the kitchen, her stomach growling with hunger.

"We just care about you princess," Emilio said, "You haven't had a panic attack in years."

"They're not panic attacks," Santana yelled, "I didn't even have to go into hospital for crying out loud; it was just you being overly paranoid, now thanks to you both I had a great Christmas in hospital."

"Sweetheart..."

"Don't," Santana shook her head at her mother, "I'm sorry mom but there are statuses all over Facebook from people at school saying what a great Christmas vacation they're having. I don't even know how to reply to Kurt's message who's asked if I had a nice time. Brittany and Quinn are the only people who know and that's fine but what about when everyone else finds out? I'm going to be the laughing stock of the whole school."

"That's not true honey," Emilio said as Santana slouched down in one of the kitchen chairs. "We only took you to the hospital because you were going back to how you were before and we don't want that."

"Why couldn't I remember?" Santana whispered, "Amy asked me about a memory of me and my uncle, I couldn't remember the end. Why?"

"I don't know," Aletta shrugged her shoulders. "By the way, I...I've taken the lock off your door." Santana stared up at her mother with wide eyes and Emilio ran a hand down his face, sighing deeply. "It's for your own good, if you lock yourself in your bedroom then we will not be able to help if you need it."

"I can't get any fucking privacy!" Santana burst into tears and stood up from her chair.

"Santana, you'll give yourself another panic attack," Aletta sniffled, trying to hold back her own tears.

"Just leave me the fuck alone!" Santana screamed and shoved her mother hard, before storming upstairs. Aletta left the kitchen and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind her. She hated it when Santana got like that and she couldn't help but blame herself really. Emilio muttered something under his breath about Santana always upsetting her mother before following his wife out of the house.

Santana had slammed her bedroom door shut only to remember that she could no longer lock it. She felt prisoned. Screaming loudly and knowing that her parents had left, she reached under her bed for a box. Throwing it down onto the duvet, she opened it up and found the razor that she kept hidden inside. No one knew about this box, not even Brittany. It was completely secret.

Brittany? She didn't know that she was out yet.

Grabbing her cell phone, she dialled Brittany's number and waited for her to answer. Of course, she knew the answer off by heart, the amount of calls that she'd made to Brittany.

"Hello?" Brittany answered, sounding as if she was eating.

"Hey Britt, it's me," Santana gasped as she held the phone between her left ear and shoulder, rolled up her sleeve and held the razor blade to her arm. "I...I'm out of hospital now," she continued and winced as she felt the pain shoot through her arm. A small drop of blood landed on the bed. "I...I just needed to talk to you."

"Are you okay?" Brittany asked, obviously sensing that Santana was in pain and Santana could hear muffled noises and moving around. "Do you want me to come over?"

"No, I'm fine," Santana reassured her and made another small cut, "I'm home alone, I could do with some peace and quiet."

"Home alone?" Brittany asked in shock, "Your parents left you, after you just came out of hospital?"

"They walked out," Santana whispered, "We kind of had a fight, my mom stormed out in tears and my...my dad went to check on her. It's stupid really, I'm fine though."

* * *

Brittany grabbed her coat as quickly as possible before slipping on some sneakers to go out in. She could tell by the tone in Santana's voice, that she was not fine. She didn't want to panic her though so left without giving notice. As she walked, she stayed on the phone to her girlfriend to keep her company. It wasn't much of a conversation, just Brittany talking and Santana agreeing every now and then. She soon arrived at Santana's house and saw both cars gone. Luckily, she knew where they kept the spare key. It was hidden under the welcome mat outside so she took that and unlocked the front door.

"Right, I'm coming upstairs missy," Brittany joked and hung up the phone. She expected Santana to rush downstairs to greet her but she didn't. Shaking her head, she raced up and into Santana's bedroom, getting the shock of her life. "Oh my god," Brittany's smile dropped as she noticed Santana sitting on the bed crying. She had her arm dripping with blood held out in front of her whilst the pink razor just lie on the floor. "Oh Tana," Brittany said sympathetically and ran over to hug her girlfriend.

"I'm so sorry," Santana apologised, crying hard into Brittany's shoulder.

"It's okay, it's okay," Brittany soothed and rubbed at her back to try and comfort her. "Come on, hug me," Brittany took Santana's arms and wrapped them round her waist, being careful of her sore arm. "I love you, you know that right?" Santana nodded as Brittany pulled away and stroked her hair. "Then why did you do it?"

"Mom took the lock off my door," Santana managed through her tears.

"That's why you hurt yourself?" Brittany asked, raising an eyebrow before sitting down beside Santana on the bed.

"No," Santana shook her head, "I don't know why I did it. I had a fight with my mom and dad, then I...I got upset and I just found myself reaching for the razor."

"Can I look after this?" Brittany asked and picked the razor up from the floor, "I don't ever want to see it happen again Tana, you could have been killed. You've just come out of hospital, do you really want to go back?"

"I...I need to take my medication," Santana sobbed, rolling her sleeve back now. It was then when Brittany noticed how vulnerable and childlike the Latina actually looked.

"Medication?" Brittany questioned, "What for?"

"Stop me getting panicky, I...I have to take that and go...go back in January..." Santana coughed as her tears came harder, "for another appointment."

"Slow down baby," Brittany began to rub her back again whilst reaching for a tissue from the packet on Santana's desk and handing it to her. "Come on, you're getting yourself in a state." Santana nodded as she dabbed at her red and watery eyes before blowing her nose. "Come on hun, we can't have you like this. You should be happy, you're back home now."

"I know," she said, still a little teary. "Sorry."

"Don't be," Brittany kissed her cheek, "Where's your medication?"

"Downstairs in my bag," she sniffed, "I need to take two pills with water."

"Quinn text me yesterday," Brittany said, "Asking how you were and if you and me would like to go with her to New York this New Years Eve to see the big ball drop in Times Square. Her mom says she can go this year and Quinn asked me if we'd like to go."

"I'll have to ask," Santana nodded, "But I'd like that."

"Yeah," Brittany smiled, "It might take your mind off everything. Now come on; clean your arm, wash your face, take your medication and we will talk about this cutting business." Brittany could tell Santana was feeling uncomfortable. She couldn't blame her, she hated talking about things. "Hey," Brittany smiled and patted her knee. "Why don't we do some baking? We can make cookies."

"Sure," Santana giggled. "That would be nice, thanks."

Brittany got everything ready whilst Santana cleaned up. She soon came downstairs and the two of them began baking together.


	5. New Years Eve

******franzih24: Thank you, it's great emailing you. **  


******Boris Yeltsin: Yeah it is.**

******demiboo: Haha, I won't. I love writing too much. **

******JWilson18: Thanks and yes we will, don't worry.**

******Linneagb: Thanks.**

******J4M3Z XO: Ahh we'll have to wait and see. And yeah, I kind of like seeing Brittany as the responsible one. **

******Cyan55: Here it is!**

******Sir Soz: What do you mean? **

"Do any of you want a gummy worm?" Quinn asked as she tossed the bag over to Santana and Brittany. The three girls were sitting on the train on their way to New York; Santana and Brittany sat next to each other whilst Quinn sat by herself. "Help yourself, my mom packed me off with heaps of junk food."

"I didn't think your mom liked you having junk food," Brittany said but helped herself to one anyway.

"She doesn't usually," Quinn shrugged, "But she wants me to have a good time tonight and everything. Do you want one San?" Quinn picked up the bag and offered it to her friend but Santana just shook her head. "How are you today?"

"Alright," Santana shrugged. "Thanks."

"I got well worried when my mom told me that you were in hospital," Quinn said. Santana and Quinn had been best friends for a while, since they were about eight so both of their mother's had become quite close with each other.

"Have you got your meds?" Brittany asked and Santana nodded at her, "what's wrong Tana?" Brittany asked her.

"Nothing," Santana whispered and leant against Brittany, sighing deeply and staring out of the window. Tears formed in her eyes but she didn't show it. She just pretended to sleep.

"Are you tired? Brittany asked and Santana faintly nodded, even though she wasn't feeling it. She couldn't help but feel scared, and nervous that something would happen in the middle of Times Square.

* * *

"Look at all these people," Quinn said in shock as they arrived in Times Square. "I swear I have never seen this many people before," she turned round to face Santana and Brittany who were holding hands. "Oh," she said as she looked at Santana, "Are you going to be okay?" Santana nodded, although she was looking pretty uncomfortable.

"Do you want to go and get a drink or something?" Brittany asked her girlfriend gently. "Somewhere less busy, maybe?" Santana just stared straight ahead, the noise of the crowd getting much louder and suddenly, she was unable to hear what they were saying anymore. A woman nudged her arm and a man's loud laugh echoed in her ear. She shut her eyes to try and blank it all out but it was no use. Santana began feeling dizzy and Brittany could see that her whole body was starting to shake. "Babe, look at me," Brittany soothed as Santana's eyes snapped open. "Deep breaths, in and out," Santana managed to follow Brittany's instructions and began breathing. "Quinn!" Brittany yelled over to the blonde who hadn't been looking. Quinn turned round and Brittany gestured towards the Latina.

"Come on San," Quinn smiled as she walked over, "We'll go somewhere quiet, yeah? I think there's a cafe just along this road." Santana nodded and continued breathing as Brittany placed an arm round her. They followed Quinn out of the crowd and found a tiny, less busier cafe. "What would you like to drink?"

"Just a lemonade," Brittany nodded at Quinn as she sat Santana down in a chair. "Are you okay? Just breathe, in and out. Copy me, yeah?' she asked Santana and knelt in front of her, rubbing her knee. Santana nodded and copied Brittany, soon managing to speak again.

"Thanks," Santana whispered as Quinn came over with three glasses of lemonade on a tray. "Thanks Quinn."

"Don't mention it; are you feeling better?" Santana nodded and sipped through her straw. "Are you sure you want to go and see the ball drop?" She asked, "We don't have to if you don't think you're up to it."

"I'll be fine," Santana nodded. "How much was the drink?"

"You don't have to pay me back," Quinn smiled, "It's my treat today." Santana finished off her lemonade and placed the empty glass back on the tray. "You were thirsty."

"Yeah," Santana nodded with a smile.

"We can always watch the ball drop back at the hotel," Quinn told her, "It'll be on TV."

"I'll be alright," Santana reassured her, "I don't want to ruin the night for you guys."

"Are you ready to go?" Quinn asked. "Or do you want to sit here for a bit?"

"No," Santana shook her head and stood up, stumbling a little bit. "Let's go," she said as Brittany grabbed her hand, "I'll be okay Brittany."

"Please just stay by my side though," Brittany said and stroked her hair, "I don't want to lose you." Santana nodded and said that she would as the three girls left the cafe. "Did you pay Quinn?" Brittany asked.

"Yeah, I paid when I went up for the drinks," Quinn mentioned. "Come on, I want to try and get near the front so we can see it better." Quinn seemed more excited than anyone about this. Brittany smiled and held Santana's hand tightly as they made their way through the crowd again. There was a spot right at the front that they all stood in.

"Are you okay baby?" Brittany asked Santana.

"Yeah," she smiled, "I'm fine."

"Here, my mom brought us these," Quinn handed them each a paper flag. "So, what are your new years resolutions then?"

"Mine is to actually go to my classes this year," Brittany said, "And to try and get Lord Tubbington to stop smoking. I tried last year and I failed."

"Alright," Quinn laughed, "what about you San?"

"Probably to try and become a better person," Santana sighed, "After spending Christmas in hospital, it...it makes me think of the kids who spend every single Christmas in the hospital and I...I just want to try and become less of a bitch really."

"That's nice," Brittany smiled and kissed her girlfriend, feeling proud of her, "Quinn, what's your resolution?"

"I don't really know," Quinn shrugged her shoulders, "I want to learn how to play guitar."

"That isn't a proper resolution," Santana said, "You can learn how to play guitar any time."

"Yeah, well you can try and become a better person any time," Quinn pointed out to her.

"But a new years resolution should be something special," Santana said, "Something that you wouldn't usually think about and try to succeed. I don't normally think about becoming a better person but you've probably thought about learning guitar before."

"So? I can't think of anything else," she said. "Half an hour until midnight guys, are you excited?"

"I am now," Santana nodded, "It's kind of less crowded at the front."

"You get more space," Quinn said, "Because of the fence in front of us. Will you be coming back to school when Christmas vacation is over?" she asked Santana, "Or are you taking a couple of days off?"

"Not sure, I want to go back when everyone else does but I think mom wants me to have some days off," Santana said, "Kind of annoying, she hasn't been treating me the same recently."

"She's just worried about you," Brittany whispered, "We all are."

"Yeah but you two aren't treating me as if I'm five years old," Santana laughed, "I like that, thanks."

"Don't mention it," Quinn smiled. "Not long now."

"Yeah, this is the best night I've had in a long time," Santana said.

And the three girls watched and waited until the clock struck midnight.

**Yay nothing like a bit of unholy trinity friendship! Everyone likes them, I know they do. So quick question, do you think Santana should have a few days off school or go back when everyone else goes back? Let me know what you think. **


	6. Back To School

******Sir Soz: If you don't like the story, don't read it. No need to be sarcastic. **

******Boris Yeltsin: Okay. **

******franzih24: Thank you so much.**

******J4M3Z XO: Thanks, she goes back to school in this chapter.**

******nayasleftboob: Haha I guess the smiley face means you like it huh? :)**

******JWilson18: I hate crowds too but I never get as bad as Santana.**

Santana couldn't help but feel really weird as she went back to school. For some reason, McKinley seemed more crowded than it had ever been before. She squeezed Brittany's hand tightly as they walked through the corridors to their lockers.

"Are you doing okay then?" Brittany asked as she grabbed her books for English class. Santana just shrugged her shoulders. She honestly wasn't sure how she was doing. "It'll take a while to get used to being back, I feel weird and I haven't even been in the hospital."

"Please don't say that out loud," Santana whispered and shook her head, "I don't want anyone to know."

"Sorry, come on," Brittany slammed her locker door shut and rubbed Santana's arm, "We don't want to be late for class." They were about to walk off when Mr Schue walked over, calling to Santana.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked her, causing her to groan and lean back against the lockers. "It'll only take a second."

"Go to class," Santana told Brittany, "I'll be there in a bit." Brittany nodded and kissed her cheek before heading to English. Santana sighed deeply and followed Mr Schue to his office, "why am I here?" she asked once they were inside.

"Your mom called in this morning and explained to me what had happened, are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Santana scowled and shrugged her shoulders.

"Just wondered," he said and raised his hands defensively, "You know if you ever need a chat, you can come to me."

"Yeah well I won't ever need that," she muttered under her breath. "Is that everything?"

"Yeah," he sighed and nodded at her, "You can go now, have a good class." Santana smiled and quietly thanked him before leaving the office and heading to English class, her backpack swung on her shoulder. Brittany was already sitting in her chair, copying down notes from the board.

"Sorry, I was talking to Mr Schue," Santana apologised to the teacher and went to sit down next to Brittany, "Hey."

"Hey, that was quick," Brittany smiled.

"Yeah he only wanted to talk to me because my mom had called in to explain what had happened and he just wanted to check if I was alright," she said and got out her book, "Can I copy your notes?"

"The notes are on the board," Brittany giggled, "Don't you have your contacts in today?" Santana shook her head, "Where are they?"

"At home, I forgot to put them in this morning," Santana said as she took out a pen and leaned over to read from Brittany's book.

"Then what about your glasses?" Brittany asked, "They're in your bag, right?" Santana faintly nodded her head and bit her lip. "San, put your glasses on," Brittany ordered as if she was her mother, "They honestly don't look that bad."

"They look incredibly dorky," Santana complained with her head in her hands, "I'm not wearing them."

"San, you can't go the entire school day without being able to see," the blonde laughed and reached down to pick up Santana's bag for her. She unzipped the top and reached inside, finding Santana's glasses case. Inside was a pair of dark, black rimmed glasses. "Here, put them on," Brittany said and slid them onto her girlfriend's face. "See how better that is, you look lovely."

"No I don't," Santana shook her head, "I look terrible."

"You look hot and sexy," Brittany smiled and winked at her.

"Brittany, Santana," the teacher called over, "Is there a problem?" The two girls shook her head, "Then please stop talking during the class, thank you." Santana and Brittany had to hold back their laughter as they got on with their work.

"I'm telling the truth though," Brittany hissed to Santana, "They look great on you."

"Hey Brittany, have you got a pen?" Kurt asked as he turned round to face the two girls. "Nice glasses Satan," he laughed.

"Shut up," Brittany defended her girlfriend, "She looks great in them and yes I do," she held out a pen to Kurt who thanked her and took it.

"Hey Satan, you never answered my text," Kurt said, causing Santana to look up from copying the notes.

"What text?" Santana asked. She knew what text Kurt was on about but to avoid the awkwardness, she had to pretend that she didn't. What was she supposed to say to him? My Christmas was crap, I spent it in the hospital?

"I text you asking how your Christmas was going, I thought we were friends now."

"We are," Santana shrugged her shoulders and stopped writing, "I...I had no credit but my Christmas was okay thanks, could have been better but it was okay. What about yours?"

"It was good. Burt and Carol took me and Finn to this theme park thing and Finn was dragging me on all the rides. I actually threw up on one of them, I hate rides."

"On Christmas Day?" Santana asked, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you would have spent the day at home, or with Blaine."

"I did, the theme park was like a couple of days after," Kurt said, "The 28th." Santana bit her lip and thought that that was the day she'd just come home from the hospital. "I did see Blaine for a short while on Christmas Eve and then I stayed at home with Dad, Finn and Carol on Christmas Day."

"Your Christmas sounds way better than mine," Santana smiled.

"Hey, you saw me," Brittany nudged Santana's arm, staying quite because she could sense that she didn't want anyone to know about the hospital. "Wasn't I good enough for you?"

"You know I didn't mean it like that," Santana laughed, "Course you're good enough for me."

"I never knew you wore glasses," Kurt said, changing subject, "You do look really nice in them, do you wear contacts?" Santana nodded, telling him that she'd left her contacts at home. "You should wear your glasses more often." The bell soon rang and the students all began packing away their things before heading to next class.

* * *

"It's not that I don't like Berry," Santana began as she and Brittany made their way into the cafeteria for lunch. "It's just that she does my head in sometimes, didn't you see her in Spanish? She had the need to raise her hand at almost every single stupid question."

"She isn't that bad," Brittany said and grabbed a carton of milk. "You should try and be nice to her, I don't know what to have for lunch. What are you having?"

"My mom packed me stuff," Santana mumbled, "Not that I'm going to eat any of it. I'm not hungry."

"You need something, what did she pack you?"

"Healthy stuff," Santana said, "Stuff she doesn't think is going to give me a panic attack." Santana ran a hand through her hair and went to sit down at an empty table. Brittany shoved an apple on her tray with the milk, paid and came to sit next to her. "It just annoys me."

"Your mom?" Brittany asked and Santana nodded, "She's your mom, she wants to look after you."

"Yeah I know," Santana shrugged, "But still..."

"Santana!" Kurt's voice blared through the cafeteria and he rushed over to wrap his arms round her neck. Brittany tried to stop him but it was too late; Santana screamed, threw her arms up in the air and punched the boy in the nose. Screaming again and bursting into tears, she raced out.

"Oh my god Kurt, are you okay?" Mercedes asked walking over to see to her friend.

"I'm bleeding," Kurt said in shock and removed his hands from his nose. Brittany wanted to help Kurt but she thought that Santana was more important right now. She left her lunch and raced out to look for her girlfriend. Quinn saw and decided to follow.

"Brittany," she called to the blonde down the corridor and caught up to her, "hey have you found her?" Brittany shook her head nervously. "What happened?"

"Kurt ran up to her," Brittany whispered, "He doesn't know what's happened. He jumped on her, she freaked out, went into panic mode and ran off. I don't know where she's gone."

"We'll find her," Quinn patted Brittany's back as they walked towards the choir room. She wasn't in there though. They soon spotted Mr Schue coming towards them, "Mr Schue, have you seen Santana?" Quinn asked feeling hopeful.

"She's in Miss Pillsbury's office," Mr Schue told them, "I know what's happened and I'm just going to go and find Kurt, get back to your lunch."

"Mr Schue," Brittany begged as he stopped walking and turned round, "You aren't going to tell Kurt that she's been in hospital, are you?" She asked, "She doesn't want anyone to know."

"I have just spoken to Santana," Mr Schue said, "And explained that the other students will need to know. Glee club meeting in the choir room in half an hour alright?" Brittany faintly nodded as the teacher walked off to find Kurt.

"Come on," Quinn placed an arm round Brittany, "San needs some air." Brittany nodded, knowing Quinn was right as the two of them walked back to the cafeteria. Brittany, for some reason was dreading the glee club meeting.


	7. Friends By Your Side

**Boris Yeltsin: Hopefully. **

**Linneagb: Haha thanks for the kind review and the tips, that was really nice :)**

**franzih24: Ahh glad you like it.**

**Hey guys, I love writing this story and I'm so glad that you all like it as well. Thanks for reading and leaving reviews, it means a lot. **

"Okay guys, I have something to say," Mr Schue said as he walked into the choir room for the glee club meeting. Everyone, minus Santana was sitting in their seats waiting for the very sudden glee club meeting to start.

"Santana isn't here," Rachel mentioned. Even though she didn't like Santana, she still wished that she'd attend the meeting. She hated going ahead with every meeting when not everyone was there.

"Don't worry about Santana, I know where she is," Mr Schue told her, "Now I know Brittany and Quinn know but I'm not sure about the rest of you. Santana isn't very well at the moment."

"What do you mean?" Finn asked with a hint of confusion in his voice.

"Is she dying?" Rachel asked, suddenly feeling quite guilty about complaining.

"No," Brittany snapped at her, feeling offended that she'd even think that. "She isn't dying," she added in a more gentle tone.

"Brittany's right," Mr Schue said, "She isn't dying. She spent Christmas in the hospital after having a panic attack, she has to go back for another appointment in January but she seems to have quite bad anxiety and she's on medication for it."

"My aunty has that," Tina mentioned from the back of the room. "Well something like it anyway, she gets panic attacks."

"So does San," Quinn whispered.

"Why didn't she say anything?" Kurt asked, "I asked her how her Christmas had been and everything and she didn't tell me that she'd been in hospital for it."

"She didn't want to tell anyone," Brittany pointed out. "But she will get better, won't she Quinn?" Brittany asked, glancing towards her friend who was staring into space. "She will."

"Is that why she punched me?" Kurt asked. "Did I scare her?" Brittany faintly nodded, "Sorry I...I didn't know."

"It's not your fault Kurt," Mr Schue shook his head, "It's no one's fault. Her mom said that she did used to get quite panicky when she was younger, it was on Christmas Eve when it started again."

"So, she's going to be alright?" Mercedes questioned, "Right?"

"Yeah," Mr Schue nodded with a smile, "She'll be fine."

* * *

"How are you doing with your card Finn?" Brittany asked and walked towards Finn who was currently in the middle of writing in a card that he'd brought for Santana. Mercedes and Puck were in the middle of hanging up a huge banner whilst Artie was handing round a giant card that everyone was going to sign. It was time for glee club and everyone had thought about making it special for Santana.

"Here, what do you think?" Finn asked as he read it out loud. "Hey San, I know we don't really get along but I hope you get better soon and like the card. Love from Finn, A.K.A Lumps the Clown. Look, it says sorry on the front and has a little puppy dog that's crying."

"That's sweet," Brittany smiled, "She'll like that."

"Britt, have you signed?" Artie wheeled over and handed her the card. Brittany shook her head and took the pen from him before finding a space to write a message and sign her name.

"Britt, have you got some more sticky tape?" Quinn called over. Brittany nodded as she wrote her message.

"Yeah," when she finished writing, "In my pocket." She reached into her pocket and pulled out the roll of tape, chucking it over to Quinn. "Have you almost finished wrapping the present?" Quinn nodded, biting off a bit of tape with her teeth and adding the last strip to the bag. "That looks great."

"Yeah do you like the bow?" Quinn asked, making the bow curly with a pair of scissors. "It's purple, her favourite colour."

"I do," Brittany said.

"Guys," Tina and Kurt raced into the room, "San's on her way." Quinn threw Brittany the bag who placed it onto Santana's chair with the big card and the separate ones from each member. Puck and Mercedes finished hanging up the banner and got down from their chairs before joining the others in the middle of the room. Santana soon walked in, her eyes widening once she saw the banner that read:

GET WELL SOON SANTANA

Santana knew that Mr Schue had told them all but she didn't expect anything like this from them. She was even more shocked when they all hugged her and Brittany gestured towards her chair.

"What's all this?" Santana asked as Finn picked up his card and handed it to her, "Finn, you got me a card?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "Open it." She smiled and opened up his card, smiling once she'd read it.

"Thanks," she thanked and gave him a hug, "I love it."

"This is from me and Mercedes," Kurt handed her a card as well and she sat down in Brittany's chair, opening it and reading it. "And the big one and the present is from all of us."

"It's such a big card," Santana said, opening it from one of the corners. "You all signed it?" she asked, opening it up. "Guys."

"Even Mr Schue left a message," Quinn said and pointed to the teachers message. "Open the present, Finn picked it out."

"Don't tell people," Finn said embarrassed as Santana opened up the white bag. She pulled out a big brown teddy bear with a purple t-shirt on it, "I know you may be too old for stuffed toys but..."

"I love it," Santana said, "It's like the first stuffed toy I've had in ages, besides it'll be useful to just cuddle when I'm in the hospital." She gave the bear a hug before hugging each of her friends, "thank you guys."

"Good luck," Quinn wished her and gave her a hug, "With your next appointment."

"Thank you," Santana sniffed and hugged her back, tightly, feeling close to tears. "Thanks, it's stupid," she shook her head, "that I...that I'm scared, I don't know why."

"You have reason to be scared," Brittany comforted her. "Hospital is pretty scary but you have to know that it'll be okay and that we're all here for you, yeah?" Santana nodded gratefully at her. "Besides, you now have a teddy to comfort you when you stay overnight."

"I told Mr Schue," Tina told Santana, "And the others, that my aunty has anxiety problems."

"She does?" Santana asked.

"Yeah, she had to stay overnight a couple of times but she's fine now. She's on medication but she gets on okay, you'll be fine."

"I know," Santana whispered, "I'm still pretty scared though."

"I know babe," Brittany hugged her and kissed her cheek, "But I love you and for your next appointment, I'll be there."

"You'll have school," Santana said, "besides I don't want you to be. Sorry Brittany but I don't know what they'll do or say and I don't want you to get upset alright? You're better off at school honey but I'll text you to let you know how it's going."

"Okay," Brittany nodded, "But I'll visit, as soon as school has finished."

"Thank you, that means so much to me," Santana said, "All of this does."


	8. The Truth Is Out

**Boris Yeltsin: Thanks. **

**Linneagb: Glad you like it.**

**J4M3Z XO: Haha I love Finn's little nickname too, I thought it was so sweet of him and he even chose the present.**

**JWilson18: Aww sorry about that. Yeah, I'm glad they all support her. **

**Cyan55: Haha yes I do sleep, I just don't have a life. Haha, jokes, I do. I just don't have that much work to do at the moment.**

"How are you feeling?" Aletta Lopez asked her daughter as the two of them sat in the waiting room. Santana just shrugged her shoulders. She had a bag on her lap that held the get well soon cards, the teddy bear, some old magazines and some other things to do whilst waiting to see the doctor. "You'll feel better once you're in there and Amy's nice isn't she?"

"I guess," Santana whispered and shrugged once more. "Have you got my iPod?" Aletta nodded and handed it over to her, "Thank you, do you think I'll have to stay overnight again?"

"No honey," Aletta stroked Santana's hair, "I'm sure you won't have to, they just want to see how you've been getting on and maybe ask you any questions."

"What sort of questions?" Santana asked.

"I don't know," she laughed, "I'm not a doctor, your father is the best person to ask about those sort of things." Santana nodded as the door opened and Amy walked out, clutching a clipboard in her arms.

"Morning Santana," Amy smiled politely, "How are we doing today?" Santana didn't respond. For the first time ever, she didn't actually know what to say. Her throat was dry like sandpaper and it was if she'd lost her voice. "Day off school today then?" Amy asked and Santana nodded. "That's good, if you'd like to come with me. Is your mom coming in too?"

"If you don't mind, I'll stay out here," Aletta said.

"Alright, I'll talk to Santana and then I'll have a chat with you afterwards if that's okay," Aletta nodded and kissed Santana. The Latina stood up with her bag and followed Amy through to her room. "Don't look so nervous, I'm not going to give you an injection or put you to sleep or do any nasty surgery. There's no need for any of that."

"I know," Santana nodded as her phone suddenly began ringing, "Sorry that'll be Brittany, asking how I am."

"It's fine," Amy laughed, "It's good to have friends that care about you. What's in the bag?"

"Just stuff people at school got me and stuff to do whilst I was waiting in the waiting room, nothing important," Santana said as she sat down in a chair. "So, why am I here?"

"I wanted to just check how you were doing," Amy sighed and sat down opposite her, "And I also wanted to talk to you about your uncle."

"Why?" Santana asked, beginning to feel uncomfortable. "He's dead, he died in a car crash...he isn't coming back," she whispered and hung her head. "That's the story."

"Do your parents talk about your uncle at all?" Santana shook her head, "And you were good friends with him, yes?" Santana nodded. "That Christmas when...when he...he said that he had a present for you?"

"What about it?" Santana asked, "I said that I don't remember what the present was."

"Okay," Amy nodded and stood up, "Have you been feeling panicky lately?" Santana shook her head, missing out the fact that she completely freaked out when Kurt hugged her. "Alright, if you would like to stand up for me and lift your shirt up for me?"

"Why?" Santana questioned nervously but stood up anyway.

"I just want to check your heart beat," Amy pulled out her stethoscope and Santana slowly rose her shirt up, closing her eyes. Amy placed the metal end just below her breasts, gasping when she noticed the small scars on her stomach and lower back. "Where did you get those scars?" Amy asked her as Santana rolled her t-shirt back down.

"They're childhood related," Santana said without thinking, "Is my heart beat okay?"

"It's fine, do you remember how you got them at all?" Amy asked as Santana stared into space, gulping nervously. Tears formed in her eyes and she held a hand to her chest, coughing a little bit. Amy began rubbing her arm to try and calm her down. "Sit down," she told the teenager who took a seat back in the chair. "Would you like a drink?" she nodded as Amy got a glass of water for her to sip at.

"I remember," Santana managed as she sipped at the water, "My...My uncle's present, he...he hurt me." She began crying now as Amy knelt next to her chair, stroking her hair gently.

"What did he do to you?" She asked quietly.

"Touched me," she cried hysterically, "He...He touched my legs and...I don't want to talk about it."

"How old were you Santana?"

"Six, seven," Santana sniffled, "I was young. I'd completely blanked it out and the first time he'd done it was on Christmas Eve which..."

"Is why you suddenly had a panic attack on Christmas Eve?" Amy finished and Santana nodded, "And you really couldn't remember what he'd done to you?"

"Not until you mentioned the scars," Santana sobbed, "I...I just thought it was...it was because my...my uncle had died, it's my fault he died. I caused him too."

"Now, how was it your fault?" Amy asked.

"It just was, I...I didn't want him to touch me. I cried when he did."

"His death was not your fault Santana, I assume your parents don't know what he did," Santana shrugged, "Don't you think we should tell them? So they know?" Santana shook her head, "They need to know Santana, I'm sorry."

"They'll be so angry with me,"

"No they won't," Amy reassured her, "I promise you that they will not be angry."

"I feel sick," Santana sobbed and glanced towards her bag with the bear in before taking another sip of water. Amy got her to wait there before leaving the room. Santana actually placed the water on the table and walked over to grab the bear, sitting back down and hugging it. Brittany was right, it really did offer good comfort. Amy soon walked back in with Aletta close behind. "Mom?"

"Santana, put that silly bear down for goodness sake," Aletta scolded and slapped at her hand, "You're not a child." Santana nodded faintly and dropped the bear, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms round them protectively.

"I have some news about Santana's uncle," Amy said as she sat down, offering a spare seat to Aletta.

"My husband's brother, yes," Aletta said, "Unfortunately, he was killed quite a while back in a terrible accident. Santana was ever so upset, we think that it's the reason for her panic attacks."

"Santana told me that when she was about six, her uncle said that he had a special present for her," Amy continued, "She couldn't remember what but when we talked just now, she informed me that she remembered. Apparently, he touched her in some very inappropriate places."

"He wouldn't do that," Aletta shook her head, "he's not that sort of man and he loved Santana."

"Too much," Santana mumbled into her knees.

"He wouldn't do that," Aletta repeated as she stood up from her chair, "I can assure you, now if you don't mind I think I'll just take Santana home. She's tired, look at the state she's in." Santana looked up at her mother with red, watery eyes. "Come on Santana."

"Don't we need to make another appointment?" Santana asked, picking up the teddy bear and her bag.

"I don't think we'll bother," Aletta said and headed for the door. Santana went to follow but Amy took hold of her arm.

"Hey," she whispered and knelt in front of her, handing her a little card with her name and number on it, "Any problems, just give me a call okay?" Santana smiled and mouthed a thank you at her before following her mother out of the hospital.

**Well the truth is out. This was probably the most hardest chapter to write so it probably isn't very accurate, I wanted something to remind Santana of her past so she suddenly remembered but I couldn't really think of anything. Hope it was okay though and I hope you enjoyed it. **


	9. Nightmares

**Boris Yeltsin: Yep.**

**nayasleftboob: I know, right?**

**franzih24: Thank you! **

**Santanalover16: I know, I hate her. Haha.**

**Linneagb: I know, I still have a cuddle with my teddy sometimes.**

**J4M3Z XO: Yeah, I did make it pretty obvious but glad you liked the chapter.**

"I'm coming!" Brittany yelled as she raced down the stairs at full speed to answer the phone. She was home alone and just in the middle of changing into her pyjamas and she couldn't really answer the door with nothing on. She kind of wished she did though as when she answered, she saw Santana standing on the doorstep. "San, hey, if I'd have known it was you I wouldn't have bothered changing," she said seductively but soon noticed the tears forming in Santana's eyes, "what's wrong?"

"Can I come in?" Santana whispered and Brittany nodded, opening the door and allowing her to walk inside.

"How did the doctor's go?" Brittany asked and folded her arms across her chest. Santana suddenly burst into tears and fell into Brittany's arms, crying hysterically. "Oh San, was it that bad?" Brittany soothed and rubbed small circles up and down her back, "What happened?"

"My parents don't believe me," Santana sobbed into her girlfriend's arms, "About my uncle."

"They don't believe that he's dead?" Brittany asked, "But..."

"No," Santana cut her off and pulled away from her, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hands, "I...At the doctor's, I remembered his present for me. He...He hurt me, in many ways."

"What do you mean?" Brittany asked her.

"I...He...He...He touched me!" Santana screamed, crying harder. "He touched me Brittany! I thought he liked me, he always called me his favourite niece and I was stupid enough to believe him!"

"Your parents don't believe you?" Brittany asked in shock and Santana nodded. "Why don't you stay the night? I don't want you going home like this. My parents are out with my sister for the week now so I'm on my own."

"Do you have some pyjamas that you can use?" Santana questioned and Brittany nodded, "thank you, I'd like that."

"Come on, let's go and watch a movie yeah?" Brittany placed an arm round Santana and took her into the living room, "what about Mean Girls? You like that film, right?" Santana nodded with a smile as she sat down on the couch. Brittany put the film on and came to sit down beside Santana, hugging her closely. Santana sniffled a little and rested her head against Brittany's chest, chewing on her shirt sleeve. It was only five minutes into the movie when Brittany realised that Santana was still crying so sighing deeply, she turned the TV off.

"What are you doing?" Santana managed when she finally realised that Brittany had turned it off.

"What's the matter?" Brittany asked, "You're still crying and it took you ages to realise that I'd actually turned Mean Girls off."

"I've just got things on my mind," Santana sniffed and shrugged her shoulders. "Why didn't my mom believe me? We got home and she told my dad who literally snapped. I couldn't believe it."

"He's your dad's brother so he's probably bound to react that way, they should still believe you though."

"I wouldn't lie about that," Santana shook her head, "I couldn't even remember what had happened until the appointment today."

"Why don't we leave the movie for tonight?" Brittany suggested, "I think you need some sleep sweetie." Santana nodded thankfully at her as she headed up to Brittany's bedroom. Brittany followed and found a pair of blue, spotty pyjamas that Santana could wear for the night. "Do you need some help changing?"

"I'm fine," Santana said, "Can I use the bathroom?" Brittany nodded and Santana took the pyjamas, walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. Brittany changed into her duck pyjamas and sat down on the bed, waiting for Santana. Santana soon came back in and they climbed into Brittany's double bed together.

"It'll be okay," Brittany comforted and stroked at her girlfriends hair.

"I know," Santana whispered and rolled over onto her side to go to sleep.

_"Look Santana, this is where your aunty is spending her Christmas," Uncle Jack said as he led Santana across the graveyard. "She'll have a nice Christmas, she will. Why don't you stay here whilst I get your present?" he whispered in her ear._

_"Okay uncle," Santana nodded._

_"You're a good girl, my favourite niece," he said softly, "I love you."_

Santana woke up, screaming loudly and tossing around in the bed. Brittany woke up by getting elbowed in the stomach and when she saw the state that Santana was in, she climbed out of bed and ran to try and shake her girlfriend awake.

"San, San, it's me," Brittany soothed, giving her arm a gentle shake. "Come on baby, wake up, please. San, you need to wake up." Santana's eyes shot open and she found herself looking at Brittany. "I'm here, it's okay. It was just a bad dream."

"It was?" Santana asked in a childlike voice.

"Yeah," Brittany nodded and hugged her, "do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Santana shook her head, "I don't."

"You need a hobby," Brittany smiled, "something other than singing and cheerleading that takes your mind off it all."

"I don't know," Santana shrugged.

"Well what about a job?" Brittany suggested. "That could be good. It'll get you out, keep you distracted, build your confidence and earn you money all in one go."

"I could do with the money," Santana laughed. "I might consider it."

"Do you want to try and get some more sleep now?" Brittany asked sweetly.

"If...if you don't mind, are we able to just sit here and talk?"

"Sure honey," Brittany nodded and climbed back into bed beside her. "Whatever you want."


	10. Pole Dancing

**franzih24: It did, I love Brittany in this story :)**

**Boris Yeltsin: Will do.**

**JWilson18: I know, I hate her parents and yes you will eventually.**

**Linneagb: Haha aww I'm like that too, when I'm upset. Teddies are good at listening. **

**J4M3Z XO: I know, I love Brittany and hmm you'll have to wait and see :)**

Santana sighed as she sat down at her desk and took out a pad of writing paper and her favourite, purple pen. Santana hated to actually admit it but writing was her hobby, she loved it. She loved to sit there and write stories, scripts, poems, letters, anything. No one really knew about it, not even Brittany.

_Dear Journal_

_Well, I finally remembered what had happened that Christmas Eve before my uncle died. My panic attacks all seem to make sense to me now really. Amy's really nice, she gave me her card so I can call her any time I need to. Brittany's being really nice as well. She's such a good girlfriend, I kind of wish that I was as good as her. _

_Anyway, I have to go. It's only three in the afternoon but sleep seems to make me feel so much better. I don't feel depressed that way._

_At least I have myself a well paid job now._

_Santana xxx_

Santana smiled to herself and shut her pen and her diary entry into her desk drawer. It was Brittany, her own girlfriend who'd inspired her to go and get herself a job. Sure, it wasn't the best job in the world but she didn't mind. Her phone suddenly began ringing.

"Hello?" Santana answered when she picked it up.

"Hey San, it's me," Brittany said happily from the other end. "Me and the rest of the glee girls are going out tonight, do you want to come too?"

"Sorry Britt, I'm busy," Santana said slowly, realising that she had work. "You guys can still go, we'll do something with me another night okay?"

"Yeah," Brittany said, "Have fun with whatever you're doing, talk to you soon." They said bye to each other before hanging up. Santana then got ready for work, changing into her mini skirt, her fish net tights and her tank top that showed off her stomach. She then dolled herself up with make-up. Luckily, both of her parents were out for the night so she had no one to nag at her for dressing like a tart.

She arrived at work and already, the audience was growing big.

"Santana," Joe, the guy who owned the place came up, "You're late, you're up first so get yourself ready."

"Got it Joe," Santana said, plastering more lipstick onto her face. "Good crowd tonight, huh?"

"Oh, they're all here to see you baby," he winked at her before walking away. Santana laughed and ran a hand through her hair before getting out onto the stage. The pole was already there for her and as soon as she put one leg round it, the crowd began going wild. The music began and Santana started her dance. One of the guys at the front reached out and stroked his hand up Santana's thigh. She flinched and squeezed her eyes shut but managed to step away from him and slide her way up the pole in time to the music. Santana slipped her shirt off, exposing her bra and glanced once towards the door and saw some familiar faces walking in.

"Oh my god," she whispered as she climbed down from the pole.

"What the hell is going on?" She heard Mercedes ask from the back. She saw Tina and Rachel standing there with their mouths wide open and Quinn and Brittany were just looking at each other in shock.

Santana was pleased when she'd finished but as soon as she walked backstage, she saw Brittany waiting there for her with her arms folded across her chest. Santana sighed and slipped her tank top back on before walking over.

"What the hell was that?" Brittany scoffed with a smile and shook her head.

"I work here now," Santana confessed in a quiet voice. "You said that I should get a job."

"I meant, something like in a store or...or cafe or something. I didn't mean using your body for money."

"What's wrong with it?" Santana literally yelled, "It's well paid and it gets me out and keeps me distracted."

"What about when all the boys start going after you?" Brittany asked, "Won't you start to feel a tad uncomfortable, after...you know?" Brittany asked, not really wanting to remind Santana about the whole situation.

"Some guy did...did touch me today," Santana said.

"And what did you do?" Brittany questioned her.

"I just carried on, that's what you do when you're working."

"This isn't working!" Brittany was close to tears now. "Santana, you shouldn't be doing this and I want you to stop it right now."

"You can't tell me what to do," Santana said, "This is my job now, okay? Deal with it."

"San," Quinn whispered as she walked over to stand next to Brittany, "You can't do this. I saw you up there, you didn't even look like you were enjoying it. You looked uncomfortable, embarrassed..."

"That was only when you guys came in," Santana interrupted.

"Yeah but if you really did this as a living, you'd be comfortable doing it in front of everyone including us," Quinn pointed out, "And you would have told us about it as well."

"Quinn's right," Brittany said, "I can tell Santana that this isn't what you enjoy doing."

"I don't care," Santana shook her head. "I'm doing it." Joe soon came over, with his clipboard, a pen in his mouth. "Hi Joe," Santana smiled politely at him, "These are my so-called friends." Brittany pursed her lips together and Quinn just rolled her eyes.

"Great show tonight hun," Joe patted her on the back, "You were incredible, are you free tomorrow night as well?" Santana hesitated, not sure how to answer him. Quinn and Brittany were shaking their heads at her but she just ignored them.

"Yeah," she nodded at him, "I am."

"Good, I'll see you then," he said and headed off in the other direction.

"Why didn't you say no?" Brittany cried, "This was your chance to quit."

"I'm not quitting," Santana refused and sat down in a random chair that was stood there. "This is what I do now. If you were really my friends, you'd accept this about me."

"And if you were really ours, you would stop," Quinn said and she noticed that by the look on Santana's face, she knew she was right.

**Okay guys so do you think this story should be rated T or M? Let me know please. **


	11. Arguments

**Boris Yeltsin: Okay.**

**franzih24: Thank you!**

**JWilson18: Let's hope she does stop.**

"Do you enjoy dressing like that?" Brittany asked as she watched Santana apply her lipstick. Santana was sat at her desk looking in the mirror whilst Brittany sat on the bed opposite. "You must get freezing."

"Not really," Santana shrugged her shoulders and put her lipstick back. "You get used to it."

"Do your parents know that you do this?" Brittany asked and Santana shook her head. "Oh." The front door soon slammed and both girls jumped in shock, "Who's that?" Brittany panicked, "Is that a burglar?"

"No, worst," Santana said, sprinting up from her chair and pulling her shirt off, "My mom." She ran over to her wardrobe and grabbed the first t-shirt that she saw, a purple one with a little flower embroidered in the bottom left corner. "Find me some pants!"

"No," Brittany shook her head and Santana glanced over. She looked a bit of an odd sight with the plain, purple t-shirt, the mini skirt and the fish net tights.

"What did you say?" Santana asked, just as she went to take the skirt off.

"I said no, I don't like you doing this job Santana and I think it's even worst that you haven't even told your parents about it!"

"Girls!" Aletta Lopez called up the stairs and before Santana could finish changing, she barged into the bedroom, shocked to see what Santana was wearing on her bottom half, "Santana, what on earth do you look like?" She looked over at the tank top that she'd thrown on the floor. Santana went to grab it but her mom got hold of it first. "Santana, why are you dressed like this?" Santana was silent, "and don't even think about lying to me missy. Tell me the truth."

"I...I got a job," Santana confessed quietly.

"And that gives you the excuse to dress like a slut, does it?" She asked and folded her arms across her chest, throwing the tank top to the ground. "What's the job?"

"Mrs Lopez..." Brittany went to say.

"Be quiet Brittany," Aletta snapped, continuing to look at her daughter. "Santana, speak to me please."

"Um...I...I got a job at some club thing," Santana gulped nervously, knowing that she had to tell her mom the truth. "I...In pole dancing."

"Pole dancing?" Aletta asked and her eyes grew wide. "You stupid, stupid girl!" Brittany and Santana both flinched, "Brittany, maybe you should go home darling," Aletta said, "Do you need a drive? Emilio will give you a lift."

"I'm fine, thank you," Brittany whispered and walked past Aletta, going downstairs as fast as she could. She just wanted to get out of the house.

"Santana, I cannot believe that you would sink this low and get a job in pole dancing!" Aletta yelled at her daughter, "what on earth were you thinking?"

"Brittany said that I should get a job to try and get me out and distract myself," Santana yelled back, feeling close to tears. "At least she actually believes me for what my uncle did to me!"

"Your father and I have been talking," Aletta sobbed, holding a hand to her mouth. "And we...we believe you, it was just so hard and all too much to take in at that point Santana."

"I'm not proud of this," Santana whispered, "But somehow, it...it makes me feel better."

"How can it make you feel better?" She asked in shock.

"It just does," Santana cried, "I"m sorry."

"Sweetheart, I...I think we need to consider sending you to therapy," Aletta said slowly, "I'm sorry but after everything that has gone on and now you're doing this to yourself, you need to talk to someone."

"No I don't," Santana shook her head, "I can't talk to someone about it, do you not realise how hard it was for me to talk to Amy?"

"Sweetie, you need help," Aletta said, "And I will get it for you, I promise!" Santana shook her head and shoved past her mother before going downstairs. She didn't know where she was going but she grabbed her school bag and stormed straight out of the house in a rage. She made her way across to the park and went to take a bottle of water out of her bag. Something fell out though and when she picked it up, she saw that it was the card that Amy had given her. Taking out her cell phone, she dialled the number that was on the card.

"Hello?" Amy answered straight away.

"Amy," Santana cried, "It...It's me, Santana."

"Santana, what's the matter?" Amy asked her.

"I...I had a fight with my mom," Santana sniffed, "She wants to send me to therapy, I can't go," she began crying harder as she leaned against a tree trunk, holding a hand to her face.

"Alright Santana, where are you?" Amy asked her.

"At the park," Santana said, "the one near the mall."

"Just stay where you are Santana," Amy ordered and Santana promised that she would before hanging up the phone. She sat down on the grass and stayed by the tree crying, waiting for Amy. Soon, a silver mercedes pulled up and Santana saw Amy step out of the car. "Hey," she greeted and walked over. Santana stood up and fell into her arms, "Come on, get into the car. You're coming home with me tonight." Santana nodded faintly and climbed into the car with her. "Don't you think your parents should know where you are though?" Santana shook her head as Amy pulled away, "I think they should, just send your mom a text telling her that you're safe alright?" Santana faintly nodded as she started to text her mom.

Amy's house was quite nice. It was a little flat but there were two bedrooms, two bathrooms and a living room and kitchen in one. Santana stepped out of the car and Amy took her inside.

"Are you hungry?" She asked but Santana shook her head. "Just make yourself comfortable, what would you like to drink?"

"Have you got hot chocolate?" Santana asked. Amy nodded and went to make drinks whilst Santana sat herself down on the couch. "Thank you," she smiled and took a sip of the warm drink.

"So what happened?" Amy asked, sitting down beside her. "You must be freezing like that," she said and Santana noticed that she still had the mini skirt, tights and boots on.

"I got a job as a pole dancer," Santana whispered quietly, "Mom was really angry at me for it and suggested that I should get therapy."

"Pole dancing? Why?" Amy asked.

"Brittany said I should get a job," Santana said, "She didn't say what but I just started pole dancing, it makes me feel better. Now mom's angry and she hates me."

"Do your parents believe you yet?" Amy asked, "about your uncle?" She nodded, "well, that's good then. I suggest you give this job up though Santana, it's not a proper job is it? You shouldn't be doing it, especially after what you've been through."

"I know," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, we all make mistakes," Amy comforted. "You stay at mine tonight, yeah?" Santana nodded thankfully at her, "It's no trouble at all. I'm here if you ever need a chat."

"Thanks Amy," Santana smiled. "Thank you."

* * *

Brittany found Santana at her locker the next morning, shoving books into it. She took a deep breath and slowly made her way over to her girlfriend, putting on a smile. Santana didn't smile back though.

"I'm sorry," Brittany whispered and looked at the floor, "Honestly."

"Whatever," Santana mumbled and shrugged her shoulders.

"Where were you last night?" Brittany asked, "I rang the house to apologise and check if you were okay but your mom said you weren't there."

"Mom and I had an argument," Santana whispered, "She suggested I get therapy, I said no and stormed out of the house, I rang Amy and she came to pick me up and that's where I've been all night."

"At Amy's?" Brittany asked and Santana nodded, "She's your doctor, right?"

"Yeah," Santana whispered. "Why do you care anyway?"

"Why are you so mad at me?" Brittany asked, "I know I should have helped you change before your mom saw and I know I should have been a better girlfriend when you got this pole dancing job but I have just apologised haven't I?"

"Yep," Santana said, popping the p, "You did."

"Then why are you still mad at me?" Brittany asked again.

"I just want space," Santana said and held her hands up to Brittany before slamming her locker door shut. "Okay?" She mouthed and walked off down the corridor. Brittany felt like crying right there in the middle of school. She hated it when Santana was angry at her. She really did.


	12. The Scientist

**Boris Yeltsin: Nope.**

**Glee4ever123: Yeah, feel sorry for her.**

**franzih24: Aww, mine too :(**

**J4M3Z XO: Nah, Brittana can't stay mad at each other for too long at all. And yes, she has quit pole dancing.**

Santana was sat in the library doing some homework when Brittany came over and sat down beside her. Santana just completely ignored her and kept scribbling, getting Brittany quite upset.

"Please talk to me," Brittany whispered and grabbed Santana's hand. Santana just pulled her hand away from her, "San, please. I hate it when you don't talk to me."

"I'm busy," Santana said coldly and kept working.

"I love you," Brittany rubbed at Santana's arm and left the library. Santana sighed and watched her leave before getting back to her math work. She wasn't sure how she was going to get through glee club this afternoon but quitting would have just made her look like a coward.

* * *

"Mr Schue," Brittany raised her hand first thing during glee club, even before Rachel. Everyone looked over at her in shock, seeing as Brittany never really volunteered to sing a solo. "I have a song that I'd like to sing."

"Really?" Mr Schue asked with a smile and Brittany nodded, "Well, go ahead Brittany. Show us what you've got." Brittany nodded and walked up to the front of the room. Santana was in the middle of filing her nails but she managed to shoot a glance across at Brittany.

"This song is basically how I feel right now," Brittany whispered, shrugging her shoulders. "Santana, I know that you're mad at me right now but I'd love it if you could just find it in your heart to forgive me. This song is for you and I know how much you like the band so..." Brittany trailed off as the music began to play. She took a deep breath and shut her eyes before softly beginning to sing.

_Come up to meet you  
Tell you I'm sorry_  
_You don't know how lovely you are  
I had to find you, tell you I need you  
Tell you I set you apart_

_Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions  
Oh, let's go back to the start  
Running in circles, coming up tails  
Heads on a science apart_

_Nobody said it was easy  
It's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
Oh let's go back to the start  
_

_I was just guessing the numbers and figures  
Pulling the puzzles apart  
Questions of science, science in progress  
Do not speak as loud as my heart_

_But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me  
Oh and I rush to the start  
Running in circles, chasing up tails  
Coming back as we are_

_Nobody said it was easy  
It's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
Oh let's go back to the start_

Brittany stopped singing and looked across at Santana with tears in her eyes. She managed a smile and gulped nervously, wiping away one of her tears. Santana rolled her eyes, dropped her arms at her side and got up before storming out of the room.

"I'll go," Quinn offered and got up to follow Santana out. "Hey!" She called to the Latina who stopped dead in her tracks and turned round to face her, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing Fabray," Santana scowled, "Just get out of my face and leave me alone."

"Come on," Quinn grabbed Santana's arm. "What's going on with you and Brittany?"

"We just had a little argument," Santana told her, "It's no big deal. She just...It was kind of her fault that my mom found out about my new job, she wouldn't...I...I don't know."

"How was it her fault?" Quinn asked and Santana shrugged. "San, don't you see that you need help sweetie."

"Not you too," Santana groaned.

"Listen to me," Quinn snapped before Santana could go and talk. "You're upset, angry and scared and because you can't deal with that, you decide to go and take it out on the people that you love the most and that isn't healthy."

"Leave me alone," she mumbled and crossed her arms.

"Brittany is really unhappy Santana and so are you but you won't tell anybody why, didn't you see Brittany in that choir room? She sang a lovely, sad song all for you and she even started crying but you just storm out of that room without even apologising or thanking her. She's trying to be a good girlfriend to you Santana, but you just won't allow it. You just think that you can handle it all on your own."

"I can," Santana choked up.

"No," Quinn shook her head, "You can't, listen to me when I say this. Sort yourself out before sorting things out with Brittany." Quinn pointed her finger at Santana before turning and heading back to the choir room.

Santana had thought about what Quinn had said all afternoon and straight after school, she decided to pay a small visit to Brittany. Luckily, it was Brittany who answered instead of her mom.

"What are you doing here?" Brittany asked as she leant against the doorframe with her arms crossed.

"Can we talk?" Santana asked quietly and Brittany nodded. "I...I'm really sorry, honestly and I...I really liked that song you sang to me in glee today. It meant a lot."

"You didn't seem to like it," Brittany whispered and hung her head, kicking a small stone with the tip of her shoe.

"I know but I...The truth is, I'm really nervous about going to see a therapist," she admitted, "I'm scared and I don't want to go and because of that, I just took it all out on you."

"Why are you scared?" Brittany said gently and held her arms out before hugging her girlfriend, "Why are you scared?"

"Because I hate talking to people," Santana sobbed, "People I don't know I mean, I can't stand it."

"It'll be okay," Brittany said, "Therapists are really nice people, they don't force you to talk about anything you're not comfortable with. Besides..." Brittany shrugged her shoulders and smiled, "You talked to Amy, you didn't know her at first."

"I guess," Santana sniffed, "Can...Can you maybe come with me for my first session?"

"Of course baby," Brittany kissed her forehead and wiped away her tears, "Of course I will."


	13. Presentations

**Boris Yeltsin: Hopefully. **

**franzih24: It was sad :(**

**JWilson18: Hopefully the therapist will help. And same here, it is moving.**

**Britt-Marion: Thanks for the review.**

**Mandy: Thanks, glad you like it.**

**Mandypandy2122: Thank you.**

**J4M3Z XO: No they can never stay too mad at each other :)**

**Hey guys! I am so sorry that I haven't updated in like weeks. I've had so much work and some personal stuff going on. I'm back though so enjoy the next chapter!**

"Okay students, today I would like you to draw me a poster on a certain mental illness. This poster has to advertise that illness to people who don't know much about it; now you will be working in groups for this and at the end of the lesson, you will present your poster to the class."

"Can we do bipolar?" Brittany asked Santana as she grabbed a different coloured pen, the teacher placing a large sheet of paper on their desk.

"That's a really obvious one," Santana mumbled, "Everyone will pick it."

"You're sort of bipolar," Brittany said, "Your moods are always up and down."

"Brittany, please stop," Santana said shakily and held a hand up to her friend, "Please."

"I'm so sorry," Brittany apologised and hugged her, "I'm so sorry Tana," she whispered and gave her a kiss as Kurt headed over to their desk, smiling when he saw them hugging.

"Hi guys," he laughed and sat down in front of their desk, "Can I work with you two?" Santana nodded faintly as Brittany pulled away from her, "what illness are you doing?"

"Bipolar," Santana whispered and shrugged her shoulders, pointing to Brittany. "Brittany chose it," she gave the blonde credit and Brittany smiled, rubbing at Santana's back. "You can write," she handed the pen to Kurt.

"You okay?" Kurt asked and she nodded, scratching her arm.

"I upset Tana," Brittany said sadly and hung her head.

"I'm sorry Britt," Santana groaned, holding her head in her hands, "Can we just get this over with?"

"Sure you're okay?" Kurt asked and the Latina nodded her head again, even though she didn't actually seem quite with it. Brittany gave out information about bipolar disorder and Kurt and Santana took turns writing it down on their sheet of paper. It wasn't long until the teacher announced that they'd be presenting in less than five minutes.

"Can we go first?" Brittany asked.

"Of course you can," the teacher smiled, overhearing her. Santana sighed deeply, not really wanting to present. Kurt took the poster and stuck it up on the wall whilst Brittany and Santana followed.

"Do you want to go first?" Kurt asked, making sure that Santana got a say.

"Sure," she whispered as the class went silent, waiting for them to start their presentation. "We chose bipolar disorder for our illness," Santana began, shifting uncomfortably on the spot. Kurt and Brittany stood either end of the poster listening and waiting for their turn. "Basically um...symptoms of bipolar is mood swings and um..." Santana took a glance at the poster and paused, chewing on her hair nervously, "um...yeah, mood swings..." Santana began shaking and rubbing at her head. Kurt and Brittany could see her getting really pale.

"Santana, are you alright?" The teacher asked kindly, obviously noticing as well. "Do you want to go and get a glass of water?" Santana just stood rooted to the spot, continuing to shake. Tears began to form in her eyes as she began to cry in front of everyone silently.

"God, here we go," Finn sighed and rolled his eyes, "Sir, can another group maybe do their presentation now?"

"Give her some time Finn!" Brittany snapped and walked over to Santana, rubbing at her arm. "Sweetie, are you okay?" Santana jumped back as Finn muttered something about being attention seeking. Choking up and coughing, she raced out of the room. The entire class groaned but Brittany didn't even hesitate and just ran out after her friend.

"Well done," Kurt spat at Finn sarcastically, "Look what you did now." He turned back to the teacher, "Can I just go and check on San?" He nodded and allowed him to leave the room. He thanked him and placed their poster back onto the table before walking out. Santana was sitting on the floor outside with her head resting against Brittany's chest. Brittany was sat close to her, stroking her hair. "Hey, are you alright?" Kurt asked gently.

"No," Brittany mouthed at him and shook her head. "What's the time?"

"Almost twelve," Kurt said, glancing at his watch. "Lunch soon. Do you want to go to lunch now San? I'm sure the teacher will let us get out of class earlier." Santana nodded in Brittany's arms. "I'll go and check."

"Thanks Kurt," Brittany smiled as Kurt headed back into the classroom. "Come on," Brittany pulled away and stood up, helping Santana up from the floor. Kurt soon came out with his bag as well as their bags. "Thanks," Brittany took her bag from him.

"Thank you," Santana whispered, taking her too. "Can we go to the library? I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat San," Brittany said, "Just for me, yeah?"

"Fine," she gave in and followed them both to the cafeteria. It was open but no one was in there yet so they sat down at a random table together.

"Do you think we can get food yet?" Kurt asked, "I'm starving. Do you two want anything?"

"I have food with me," Santana shrugged. They couldn't get food yet but the cafeteria began filling slowly. Most of them were from health class and the three of them could see them all whispering and pointing and staring at Santana. Santana tried not to look but Quinn soon came over to the table.

"I heard what happened," Quinn whispered and held her hand out to Santana, "Come on." Santana got up from the table and grabbed her bag before going outside with Quinn. "Take no notice of them, they're bitches." Santana thought that Quinn was taking her to the library but they ended up going to the quiet room.

"This room gives me the creeps," Santana said when they walked inside. "It's too quiet, quieter than the library."

"That's why they call it the quiet room," Quinn giggled and shut the door behind her. "I like this room anyway, I came here quite a lot when I was pregnant."

"You did?" Santana asked.

"Yeah, just for chats with Mr Schue and Miss Pillsbury," Quinn shrugged. The door opened and Mr Schue walked in. Santana's eyes widened as Quinn hung her head and bit her lip nervously.

"You blabber mouth," Santana snapped and went to leave but the teacher clamped a hand down on her shoulder and sat her down in a chair.

"Let go!" Santana screamed and struggled but remained seated. Quinn sat at her side and held her hand but although Santana was mad at her, she didn't pull away. Somehow, it felt nice to have Quinn's support.

"So, your health class teacher told me what happened during class earlier," Mr Schue said, sitting down in a chair opposite Santana. Santana could feel tears forming in her eyes as she looked down at the floor. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Santana cried loudly, "I don't!"

"He seemed pretty concerned about you Santana and I'm sure Quinn is as well, and Kurt and Brittany."

"I am," Quinn whispered and nodded, giving the Latina's hand a squeeze.

"I just panicked," Santana sniffled, tears streaming down both sides of her face. "I...I just...I could feel myself having another panic attack."

"You're on medication now," Quinn told her, "That shouldn't be happening."

"No it can do," Mr Schue nodded, "Even with medication, people can still have panic attacks depending on what happened."

"I just got nervous, I guess," Santana shrugged, "I don't like presentations."

"It isn't like you to get nervous," Quinn laughed, "You're usually okay with talking to people and stuff and you usually do really well with the work so you have nothing to worry about."

"I just got nervous," Santana repeated angrily, "everyone gets nervous, don't they? Even Berry gets nervous before singing solos at Sectionals."

"Have your parents considered a therapist at all?" Mr Schue asked slowly.

"I'm seeing one this week," Santana whispered, "Brittany's coming with me."

"Good, maybe we should look at you talking to someone during school time as well?" He suggested, "It might be best."

"I'm not talking to Miss Pillsbury," Santana snapped, "That woman is hopeless at giving people advice."

"Give her a chance," Quinn said with a small smirk.

"I understand that Miss Pillsbury is probably not the best person for you to talk to," Mr Schue told Santana, "I maybe thought about getting someone else in to do private, one to one sessions with you instead. What do you say to that idea?"

"San?" Quinn asked and nudged her arm when she heard no answer from her, "Mr Schue asked you a question."

"I guess it could work," Santana whispered. "As long as I don't have to talk about anything I don't want to."

"I'll make sure that won't happen," he smiled and stood up. "I'll make some calls anyway and get back to you."

"Kay," Santana mumbled and nodded as he rubbed her shoulder and left the room. "Thanks," she whispered and turned to Quinn who gave her a reassuring smile before hugging her.


	14. Therapy

**Boris Yeltsin: Perhaps. **

**J4M3Z XO: Ahh you'll soon see who she's speaking to and I don't hate Finn, I really like him :) **

**franzih24: Thanks. **

**JWilson18: We'll soon see if Santana is bipolar. I'm not actually sure whether that's going to happen or not yet, maybe you guys can help decide that.**

**Mandypandy2122: Glad you like it. Here's the next chapter for you.**

Santana was sat in a cold room with painted walls. Each wall had a Disney character on it to try and make the room seem more fun and welcoming. Instead, Santana just felt like a six year old. She was sat in a really uncomfortable chair, flicking through an old magazine on cars. It was the only one there.

"Are you nervous?" Brittany asked quietly. She was sat next to her but she was waiting for the right time to ask the dreaded question.

"A bit," Santana admitted with a nod.

"You'll be okay," Brittany smiled and reached across to give her hand a very, gentle squeeze.

"Santana Lopez!" Santana's name was called as the receptionist popped her head out of her office, "Doctor Ruburn will see you now." Santana nodded and stood up with Brittany, walking into the directed room. There was a woman sitting at her desk but she barely acknowledged Santana. Santana took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door, causing her to look up.

"Santana?" She asked and Santana nodded, "Nice to meet you," she smiled and walked over to shake Santana's hand. "I am Doctor Ruburn but you can call me Tammy if you would prefer. Is this your friend?"

"Brittany," Brittany introduced herself to Tammy.

"Nice to meet you Brittany but if you don't mind, I'd rather just have a one to one session with Santana at first." Santana's heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. She couldn't do this without Brittany, she needed her.

"You'll be fine," Brittany kissed her cheek, "I'll wait outside for you, you'll be fine." Santana sniffed and nodded as Brittany left the room, the door slamming shut behind her.

"Okay Santana, if you'd like to sit down in the chair and we can get started." Santana nodded and took a seat as Tammy sat back down at her desk. "Would you like a drink at all?"

"No," she whispered and shook her head.

"Alright, well how about we start off with you telling me why you're here?" Tammy suggested, "Just take your time, there's no rush at all."

"Do I have to?" Santana questioned her.

"Well, you don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to," Tammy said, "I won't force you but I do want you to maybe give a brief explanation in your own words of why you're here. That way, I know exactly how to help you during these sessions."

"Well, on Christmas Eve I had a sort of panic attack my mom called it," Santana began with a sigh, "I had to go to hospital and stay overnight and stuff. Lately, I...I just remembered that my uncle used to abuse me and on Christmas Eve when I was like six, he...he did some things to me." Santana's voice turned quiet and she could feel herself close to tears. "He raped me."

"When you were six?" Tammy asked.

"Around that age but he did it quite a few times," Santana said, "He's dead now, he died in a car crash."

"You only just remembered that recently?" Tammy asked and Santana nodded.

"I couldn't remember much, until at the doctor's one day."

"And that's why you're here, is it?"

"Yeah," she whispered, "But one of my teachers at school is also trying to set me up talking to someone there as well so I have someone to talk to inside and outside of school if you know what I mean."

"That's a good idea," Tammy smiled as she took out a sheet of paper and a pen. "I want you to do a little activity for me Santana." She handed them to Santana. "Write down things that you like about yourself and things that you hate about yourself."

"I hate those activities," Santana whispered as she picked up the black pen, "I can never think of stuff."

"Do you usually have more hate things than like?" Tammy asked and Santana faintly nodded, "You seem like you have quite low self esteem Santana. What do you do when you're feeling fed up or sad?"

"Throw things," Santana mumbled, "It makes me feel better."

"Do you have anger problems at all?" Tammy asked her.

"People think I do," she shrugged, "I get angry quite a bit and I always take it out on other people."

"Do you take it out on yourself?" Santana shook her head, "What kind of things do you throw? Are they thinks that could hurt others?"

"Chairs mostly," Santana said, "But never at people; at walls usually or to other ends of the classroom. I did throw one through a glass window at home though when I was fourteen."

"I bet your parents weren't happy about that," Tammy laughed.

"I got grounded and had to pay for half of the window. As I was only fourteen, they paid for most of it."

"That was nice of them, they must really love you."

"Yeah," Santana nodded. "I guess I like my hair," she shrugged, "even though most of it is just extensions."

"You can put that down," Tammy said, "Anything else about yourself?" Santana shook her head. "What sort of things do you do in your spare time?" Tammy asked her.

"Cheerleading, singing, dancing. I'm in a glee club at school." Santana said, "I do write as well."

"What sort of things do you write about?"

"Stories," Santana mumbled, "About real life mainly but I kind of turn it fiction if that makes sense. I write about me but I call myself a different name, like Jessica. That's my favourite name."

"That is a nice name. What sort of things would you write in the hate column then?" Tammy asked, getting back on subject.

"I'm not good at anything," Santana sighed and placed her pen down.

"I'm sure that's not true," Tammy smiled, "I'm sure you're good at writing and what about the cheerleading and singing, aren't you good at that? I'm sure you had to audition for that glee club right?" Santana nodded, "then how else did you get in?"

"Well, Mr Schue has the policy that anyone who auditions gets in," Santana said. "He runs the glee club. People say I'm good but I'm just not so sure."

"I'm sure you are good," Tammy told her.

"You're meant to say that," Santana said, "You're getting paid to sit there and say good things about me."

"Santana," she laughed, "I wouldn't say these things if I didn't mean them. I like you, I think you're a great kid." Santana smiled thankfully, "I do but I am afraid to say that our hour is up now."

"Already?" Santana asked and glanced up at the clock.

"Goes quick, huh?" Tammy said, "You've done well, you've been talking for the entire hour. Most of my patients just sit there in silence with no idea of what to say. Will I be seeing you again?"

"I guess," Santana nodded.

"This time next week?" Tammy asked, "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Alright, I will give you my card and that has my number on it so if you can't make the appointment at all then just give me a ring okay?"

"Sure," Santana took her appointment card and thanked her before leaving the room. Brittany was sitting in a chair reading a magazine. "Hey, ready to go?" Santana asked, walking over.

"How did it go?" Brittany asked.

"It went pretty well actually," Santana nodded, "I'm seeing her again next week."

"Great," Brittany smiled and hugged her, "I'm so glad that you went San. I'm really proud of you."

"I know you weren't allowed in the room today," Santana whispered, "But can you still come with me next time?"

"Course I will. Now, how about we go back to my place and order a takeaway with popcorn and a movie? We can celebrate your braveness today, I know how much you hate talking to people." She placed an arm round Santana and the two of them left. Santana felt the best she'd felt in ages.


	15. Surprise Visit

**Boris Yeltsin: Yep.**

**J4M3Z XO: What do you mean too short? You'll find out who she talks to during this chapter.**

**franzih24: Thank you :) **

"So how was therapy?" Quinn asked Santana in gym the next day as the two of them chucked a basketball to each other. It was one of those sessions where their teacher really didn't care about what they did. Brittany then skipped over to join in with them, her blonde ponytail swaying from side to side. "You did go, right?" Quinn asked, knowing what Santana was like.

"It was good, yeah," Santana shrugged her shoulders as she tucked the ball under her arm, "I did go. Brittany had to stay in the waiting room unfortunately but it went okay. Mr Schue is still looking for someone to talk to me during school hours though."

"Santana!" Coach then came over to Santana with a woman who looked very familiar to all of the students. "Miss Holliday would like a word with you."

"Hey sweet cheeks," Holly smiled after Coach had walked away. "Brittany, Quinn. How are you all?"

"Good, what are you doing here Miss Holliday?" Brittany asked.

"Well, Mr Schuester gave me a call and asked me to come in. I'm here to talk to this one," she pointed towards Santana. "Shall we go outside? Unless you want to talk with balls being thrown everywhere."

"I could have so easily taken that the wrong way," Santana whispered with a smile but followed Holly outside for a chat. "So, why are you really here?"

"To talk to you, like I said," Holly nudged her arm, "Mr Schue was really pleased with how I talked to you and Brittany last time and yes, he did know about that," she said, "He told me that you've been having some problems."

"I guess," Santana faintly nodded.

"Well, do you want to talk about it?" Holly asked, "That's what I'm here for. I am here for you to talk to me about anything from now on. I know I may not be the best person but I'm better than Miss Pillsbury, the thirty year old virgin right?"

"Isn't that a little inappropriate?" Santana asked, "You're meant to be a teacher."

"So, you don't agree with me about her?"

"I do," Santana laughed and nodded, "I mean, she giggles like a little girl every time a man touches her."

"Exactly," Holly whispered in Santana's ear. "Don't tell her I said that though, huh?" Santana shook her head. "Cool beans. So, Mr Schue has told me everything including yesterday's little performance during health class."

"I just panicked," Santana pointed out.

"I know," Holly nodded, "Which is the main reason I have been called in to talk to you. Come on, we're going out."

"Out?" Santana asked and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Don't worry, I have Mr Schue's permission," Holly said, "It's only to get a drink in the cafe across the road. I just find that you might actually be able to talk to me about stuff if we're in a non school environment."

"Alright," Santana gave in. She dropped by the changing rooms first and grabbed her bag before following Holly out of school. They found a corner table in the cafe and Santana sat down whilst Holly brought over two cans of soda. "So, where do we start?"

"You tell me," Holly smiled.

"Well, it just kind of started when I had this minor panic attack on Christmas Eve..." Santana began and sipped at her drink whilst continuing to tell Holly everything; about her uncle, her doctor's appointment, her panic attacks and her therapy session yesterday.

"Wow," Holly said in shock once she'd done, "That's a lot of information to get in thirty seconds."

"Miss Holliday..." Santana went to say but she was interrupted.

"Call me Holly," she told her. "Miss Holliday just sounds so teachery and formal, you know? I want you to know Santana that you don't think of me as a teacher, I'm not like Mr Schue. You think of me as a friend, alright? I'm not a teacher and I'm not a therapist, I'm your friend."

"Sure," Santana smiled and nodded.

"So, as a friend I would like you to trust me with absolutely anything," Holly said. "Do you understand me?"

"Yeah of course I do. I'm kind of glad that you're my counsellor though, like I know you and stuff."

"Maybe that's why Mr Schue called me instead of some weird shrink person who has no idea what they are talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about but..."

"You seem like you do to me," Santana said and finished off her drink.

"Besides," Holly winked at her, "I used to be like you when I was your age, minus the panic attacks."

"What do you mean then?" Santana asked.

"I used to lose my temper really easily," she said, "I actually went to anger management at one point."

"You did?" Santana asked. "People think I need anger management, I get pretty angry easily."

"Yeah?" Holly asked and stood up, "Have you finished?" Santana nodded and climbed out of her chair. "We should head back, before Mr Schue is on our case."

"I thought you had his permission," Santana reminded her.

"I do but I promised to get you back before next period, come on." They talked the entire way back to McKinley and Santana was actually pleased that Mr Schue had got Holly to talk to her instead of anyone else. Holly took Santana back to Mr Schue's room. He seemed pleased, yet shocked to see them both. "I did promise that I'd get her back," Holly laughed. "Don't you trust me or something?"

"No, I just expected you both to come back with Santana screaming her head off and you with a black eye."

"Shut up," Santana scowled and threw her bag down, "She's not that bad."

"Good to hear it," he smiled with a nod, "are we going to give it a go then?"

"I guess," she nodded. "Can I go though? Brittany will probably be waiting for me." Mr Schue nodded.

"See you later sweet cheeks," Holly smiled and high fived Santana as she left the office.

"How do you do it?" Mr Schue asked, "Miss Pillsbury would be a mess by now if it was her talking to Santana."

"I have a way with the teens," Holly winked at him. "It was easy once I'd earned her trust. That was the harder part but after that, it was fine."

"Thank you," Mr Schue thanked her, "You are exactly what Santana needs right now."


	16. Mall Time

**Boris Yeltsin: Glad you like the Friends reference. **

**franzih24: Same, Gwyneth Paltrow is just amazing.**

**J4M3Z XO: Ahh I've had a therapy session before and it was an hour so it's about that amount of time really. I prefer Holly to Emma any day, Emma is just really awkward. **

**JWilson18: Yeah hopefully she can. I like Holly :)**

They had to write a report in English, on their favourite author. Santana didn't really have a favourite author. She did like the Harry Potter books but she wouldn't say that JK Rowling was her favourite author of all time.

"Do you need some help?" Quinn asked kindly, noticing that Santana was choosing to stare straight ahead instead of writing. Santana managed a smile but shook her head at her. "We only have fifteen minutes left San and you haven't written anything."

"I will," Santana sighed. She hated it when Quinn babied her and ordered her around.

"Let me help, what books do you read?"

"Quinn, leave me alone!" Santana snapped and slammed her pen down before storming out of the English classroom, the door slamming shut behind her.

"Um..." Quinn raised her hand. "Can I go and check on her?" The teacher nodded and allowed Quinn to leave the room. Santana was standing outside, leaning against a wall with her arms crossed, catching her breath. "What was that about?" Quinn asked.

"You treat me like a fucking baby Quinn and I hate it!" Santana screamed at her, loud enough for the whole school to hear.

"I am just trying to help," Quinn pointed out, "Sorry that I care."

"I don't need your help though, I'm fine!" Tears began to form in Santana's eyes as she turned to face the wall, gently kicking it with the tip of her shoe. She then felt someone hug her and turned to realise that it was Quinn. She paused and waited until hugging back. "I just don't want you treating me differently," Santana cried.

"I won't," Quinn shook her head, "I promise."

"If I need your help then I'll ask," Santana said and Quinn nodded. "You're not my mom." Quinn nodded again and hung her head. "You're only a mom to that bastard child of yours."

"What?" Quinn scowled, her eyes going wide with anger.

"You deserve it though," Santana continued, shrugging her shoulders. "For being such a bitch, that is."

"You were bitchier than me!" Quinn yelled, "Do not take your screwed up fucking life out on me, just because I am trying to help you..." Quinn didn't have time to finish that sentence as Santana suddenly lunged at her, shoving her against the wall at great force and pulling at her blonde hair. Quinn collapsed to the floor in tears, standing up once she was sure that Santana had gotten rid of her anger.

"Quinn, I...I'm sorry."

"No," Quinn shook her head in tears, "Clear your thoughts and think about it before you ever talk to me again!" She yelled and stormed back into the classroom. Santana burst into tears and ran off down the corridor, bumping into Holly.

"Whoa sweet cheeks, what's happened?" She asked, seeing the state that Santana was in.

"I don't want to talk about it," Santana sobbed, barely able to speak.

"Come on," Holly placed an arm round Santana and took her across to Mr Schue's office. "Will," she knocked on the door as they walked in. "Oh good, you're in."

"What's happened?" He asked, "Are you okay Santana?" Santana nodded, although it was pretty obvious that she wasn't.

"Me and Santana were just going to pop out if that's okay," Holly told him, "She could do with some air and cool down time. It'd only be the mall."

"Principal Figgins is really the best person to talk to about it," Mr Schue said, "But you can't really just take a student out of school like that Holly, it isn't professional and what are the other students going to say about it? It won't be fair."

"I'll bring her back," Holly laughed, "Come on, you can clearly tell she needs some time out."

"Then go to the quiet room," Mr Schue said, "I can see that Santana's upset but I can't allow you to go to the mall."

"What if we make it educational?" Holly asked. "Of course, you could tell Figgins that."

"Then that would be lying, won't it?" He smiled, crossing his arms.

"Come on Will," Holly hugged Santana who was still crying slightly, "Don't be so uptight."

"I am not uptight," he laughed, "Alright fine but don't be long. If you are not back here by three o'clock then there will be big trouble, for the both of you." Holly nodded and left the office with Santana. "I knew that we'd get our way, where's your bag?"

"In the English classroom," Santana sniffled, "I can get it, don't worry." She walked into the English class and Holly stayed by the doorway, talking to the teacher. Santana picked up her bag and walked back over to the door, Quinn watching her and wondering where she was going.

"Thanks," Holly thanked the teacher before leaving, "Got everything?" Santana nodded. "Off we go then, to the mall. So, are you going to tell me why you have such a long face on today?" Holly asked as they climbed into the car.

"I had an argument with Quinn," Santana sniffed and wiped at her watery eyes. "I yelled at her for babying me then I said that Beth was some bastard child and that it was her fault because she was such a bitch, then we fought and she...she began crying, yelled at me and stormed off."

"I thought Quinn was your friend," Holly said but Santana didn't answer her. "Since when are you deaf?"

"You don't know anything!" Santana snapped but after a long pause, sighed. "Sorry, Quinn and I hardly ever argue though and when I tried to apologise she wasn't having it."

"Friends fight Santana," Holly said as she drove off to the mall, "They fight, they fall out. You'll be the best of friends by tomorrow, why did you say that to her anyway?"

"I was just pissed off," Santana mentioned, holding her head in the palm of her hand. "Why are we going to the mall anyway?"

"What, you don't like shopping?" Holly asked.

"I do, I just wondered why the mall," Santana shrugged, "Thanks though, it'll be a good distraction. Where do we start?"

"Well, jewellery stores are always good places to start I think," Holly winked at her, "What do you say?"

"Sounds like a plan," Santana nodded with a smile. She loved having Holly to talk to whenever she could, it really did cheer her up. When they arrived at the mall, they went straight to the jewellery store. "Wow, I love this necklace," Santana said, pointing to a silver heart locket. "It's really pretty."

"That is pretty," Holly told her. "Wanna try it on?"

"Sure." Santana tried it on and stared at herself in the mirror, examining it. She suddenly caught sight of her arms, covered in lots of little scars. Dropping her hands at her sides, she removed the necklace. "We can go now," she sighed.

"Santana," Holly clamped a hand down on her shoulder, grabbing Santana's wrist and holding her arm out in front of her, "When did this happen?"

"A while ago," she whispered.

"How long ago?" Holly asked.

"Couple of days," Santana shrugged, "Can we go now?"

"No," Holly stopped her from going anywhere, "What happened?" Santana was silent. "Did you do this to yourself?" She faintly nodded. "Honey, harming yourself like that is highly dangerous."

"Please don't tell anyone," she begged, determined not to cry right there in the middle of the store, "Please."

"I won't," Holly shook her head and hugged her, "But I don't ever want you to do it again, it's dangerous." Santana nodded, thanking her. "And I want you to make up with Quinn." She nodded again. "Tell you what, you promise to stop cutting and to make up with Quinn and I will buy you the necklace."

"Really?" Santana smiled and Holly nodded. "Thanks. If...If I get the necklace though, can we maybe look for a present for Quinn and Brittany?"

"Of course we can," Holly said.

"Thanks."

They went to the stationery shop next and Santana found a notebook with a big, yellow duck on as well as a notebook with cameras on. She knew that Brittany liked ducks and Quinn was into photography so they seemed perfect gifts. After grabbing a smoothie, they headed back to school. Quinn was at her locker.

"Where did you go?" Quinn asked Santana as she came over with Holly.

"I'll see you later," Holly whispered in her ear and walked off.

"Is that a new necklace?" Quinn asked and fiddled with the heart locket that was hanging round Santana's neck.

"Yeah, Holly took me to the mall," Santana whispered, "I got you something." Santana dug into her bag and pulled out the camera notebook. "And I'm sorry by the way, I didn't mean what I said."

"She took you to the mall? You're going to be in deep shit with Figgins."

"We asked Mr Schue, he's sorting it."

"Thanks," Quinn smiled as she flicked through the notebook, "I love it and that necklace does really suit you."

"I got Brittany the same notebook," Santana said, "Except hers has a duck on it."

"That's perfect," Quinn giggled and hugged Santana, "I'm sorry too San, I'm just worried about you at the moment."

"I know," Santana whispered, "I'm fine though, honestly," she added and pulled the sleeves of her new jacket further down her arms.


	17. Finding Out

**Boris Yeltsin: It will.**

**franzih24: Thanks.**

**MKAmericanhero: Thank you, I love Holly as well. She's amazing.**

**J4M3Z XO: I know but Holly is amazing though and she shouldn't.**

Santana walked into glee club late the next day to see everyone, including Holly waiting for her. By the looks of things, they hadn't been talking about anything but just been waiting. Holly sighed deeply, Mr Schue looked nervous yet angry nd the entire club were just fidgeting in their seats.

"What's going on?" she asked, dropping her bag to the floor. Brittany was beginning to cry. "Britt-Britt," Santana sniffled and made her way over to her, giving her a hug before pulling away. "What's going on?" She snapped at everyone.

"Don't act like you don't know!" Quinn yelled.

"Quinn!" Mr Schue yelled at her to stop talking. "Santana, it...it's come to our attention that you...you've been hurting yourself."

"What?" Santana choked up and looked towards Holly, "You promised you wouldn't tell?" She screamed, tears streaming down her face.

"Santana..."

"You promised!"

"It wasn't Holly!" Quinn screamed causing Santana to spin round to face her. "It...It was me," she cried, "I'm so sorry but after we talked yesterday, I...I saw you cover your arms with your jacket sleeve and I...I noticed the scars when we changed for gym later on."

"So, you told people?" Santana asked.

"I...I accidentally sent a text about it to Rachel, it was meant to be for Brittany because I thought she should know but Rachel was the last person I sent a text to and I...I'm really sorry Santana but when Rachel found out..."

"You told everyone?" Santana asked Rachel. "Including Mr Schue!" Rachel bit her lip and hung her head before nodding. Santana screamed, grabbing a chair and chucked it as hard as she could through the glass window of the choir room. Glass shattered everywhere and students screamed. Santana soon burst into tears, causing Quinn to feel guilty. The blonde stood up and walked over, placing a hand on her shoulder but Santana shoved her away, continuing to cry. Catching sight of Brittany standing nearby, she fell into her arms in tears, wrapping her arms round her neck desperately.

"Hey, come on," Brittany soothed, rubbing her back. Santana could soon feel her chest tightening and she started to have trouble breathing. Brittany noticed this and sat Santana down on a chair, "Sweetie, breathe," she coached to her. Santana's face turned completely blue then so Brittany took her hand and placed it on her own chest. "Copy my breathing, just watch me." It wasn't working. Santana couldn't breathe at all and looked close to passing out.

"Santana," Holly raced over to try and help Brittany, "Alright honey." Brittany watched as Holly gently and softly blew a few times on Santana's face. It wasn't long until Santana turned back to her normal colour and began to breathe normally again.

"How did you know what to do Miss Holliday?" Quinn asked who'd been in a complete panic the whole time.

"You usually do it to babies but it does work on people who are having trouble breathing as well," Holly told her and rubbed Santana's shoulder. "Are you okay?" Santana nodded thankfully and glanced towards the smashed window, "I'm so sorry," she shook her head, "I didn't mean to."

"Just take her someplace else," Mr Schue said angrily and held a hand up to Holly. Holly nodded and placed an arm round Santana before leaving the choir room. Brittany ran after them to make sure that Santana was alright.

Holly took her to the quiet room and sat down with her on a bean bag in the corner whilst Brittany sat on one of the chairs, wanting to give her some space.

"I'm fine Brittany," Santana reassured her, "Can you not worry?"

"Why did you cut?" Brittany shrugged her shoulders.

"Brittany," Holly waved her hands at her, "Not the best time. Just wait with her whilst I get a glass of water for her." Brittany nodded as Holly left the room, shutting the door behind her.

"Why did you cut?" Brittany repeated and went to sit on the yellow bean bag beside Santana. "You can tell me."

"I was just feeling fed up," Santana mentioned to her. "I'm sorry, I know you probably hate me but..."

"I don't hate you," Brittany hugged her, "I love you. I just can't believe that you'd hurt yourself like that."

"I'm sorry," Santana apologised again. The door opened and Holly walked in, handing her the glass of water. Mr Schue followed, shutting the door behind him for some privacy. "Brittany's staying," Santana told him, "I don't care what you say."

"I know," he said and raised his hands defensively. "Look Santana, I just want to talk to you about something quite serious and important," he said, "Nationals is coming up and as you know, it's in New York." Santana didn't answer. "I just...we'll be travelling by plane and I just don't know if you'll be able to handle it."

"So basically you're saying that I can't go?" Santana snapped and scowled at him, "That's fine, I don't want to go anyway."

"He isn't saying that," Holly pointed out, "He's just saying that he's a little worried about you going and if you think that you'll be okay, then you may go."

"Why don't you come along?" Mr Schue asked Holly.

"Me?" She asked.

"Yeah," Santana smiled, "Please?"

"If Santana thinks she's going to be okay then that's fine," Mr Schue said, "But it'd be nice to have you come along with us."

"Can you?" Brittany asked, "You're so much cooler than Mr Schue."

"Brittany!" he yelled, chuckling a little, "Thank you."

"No offense," she whispered and blushed a bright shade of red. Holly nodded and agreed to go along to the Nationals competition with them.

"Mr Schue," Santana said as the teacher went to leave the quiet room, "I...I really am sorry about the window, I didn't mean it."

"I know," he nodded with a sigh, "As long as you're alright," he added and smiled at her before walking out.


	18. Nationals

**Boris Yeltsin: Yep.**

**J4M3Z XO: Haha I know right? And I can totally see Holly doing that, she might do in this chapter ;) Haha and yeah, gotta love Brittany.**

**franzih24: Thank you.**

**Glee4ever123: Haha I agree with Rachel getting a punishment. **

**Linneagb: Thank you and I will :)**

**JWilson18: I know! I hate Rachel but she is a bit of a blabber mouth. **

**dinna agron forves: Thank you, glad you like it.**

**Guest: Sorry I don't understand. What do you mean by aurora? **

"I cannot believe that I am coming to New York with you but all I can do is sit there and watch whilst you lot perform the solos that I deserve," Rachel spat enviously as she sat on the plane with her arms crossed angrily.

"Hey, think yourself lucky that Mr Schue is letting you come to New York with us," Quinn told her. "I'm surprised Santana hasn't actually punched you in the face yet."

"I'm still planning to do that," Santana said from her seat across the way from them, "I'm starting to feel sick," she groaned to Brittany who was sat next to her listening to music and flicking through a Cosmo magazine.

"You have your iPod, right?" Brittany asked and Santana nodded, "Listen to some music, it might distract you a little."

"Do you want a mint?" Quinn offered and held the packet out to her. Santana thanked her and took a mint to suck on. "I'm not overly keen on flying either San but it's something you just need to do in life I'm afraid. At least we're up in the air now anyway, I thought that you'd be okay after taking off."

"I thought so too," Santana said as her face turned a very pale, shade of white. "I feel hot," she grumbled, rubbing at her forehead with the palm of her hand.

"I'm going to go and get Holly," Quinn said as she unstrapped herself.

"Why?" Rachel asked, "She'll be okay."

"Rach, she has gone pale and she's complaining about feeling hot and sick. We can't just leave her like that," Quinn hissed and got out of her seat. Rachel looked over at Finn and smiled, wondering why she was stuck sitting with the three people who hated her.

"Cuddle ducky," Brittany smiled and pulled her stuffed duck out of her backpack, handing it to her girlfriend. "He always makes me feel better."

"You always make me feel better Britt," Santana laughed as she stroked the ducks fur. "Thanks."

"Is everything okay?" Holly asked as she came over, Quinn following and sitting back down beside Rachel. "Quinn told me that you weren't feeling well."

"I'm okay now," Santana smiled, shooting Quinn a thankful smile. She wasn't mad at Quinn for accidentally texting Rachel, she was more mad at Rachel for telling everyone. She and Quinn were okay now. "I just felt warm."

"You do look a little pale," Holly mentioned. "Want to come and sit over with me for a bit?"

"I'll be fine," Santana reassured her, "I have Brittany."

"Alright, just let me know if you need anything," Holly winked at her and headed back to her seat. Santana sighed deeply and hugged the duck to her stomach before resting her head against Brittany's shoulder. Brittany smiled and stroked at her hair to try and comfort her a bit.

"I still feel sick," Santana managed hugging the duck tighter to her stomach.

"There are some provided barf bags here," Brittany said and as soon as she'd found some, she handed one to Santana. Santana snatched it and straight away, emptied the entire contents of her stomach into it. "Gross."

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked in a panic as she stopped reading her book.

"Yeah," Santana faintly nodded when she'd finished.

"What do I do with this?" Brittany asked, holding up the used bag.

"Throw it at Berry," Santana muttered under her breath but Rachel seemed to have heard. She shot a death look at Santana. "I think there's like a little trashcan under the seat there," Santana pointed out. Brittany found it and threw the bag away. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Brittany soothed as she found a tissue and wiped round Santana's mouth. "Don't worry about it." An announcement to say that they'd soon be landing in New York was made over the speaker so they all began to pack up their things, Brittany still in the process of cleaning Santana up.

* * *

"Are you okay Santana?" Mercedes asked sympathetically once they'd arrived at their hotel. Santana nodded and wiped at her mouth as Brittany placed an arm round her and patted her back.

"Okay here are your room keys. You each have your own key so do not lose them, please." Mr Schue announced, "Girls in one, boys in the other and that is the rule. I will give you about an hour to get settled in and unpacked but then meet me down here ready for rehearsal."

"Come on," Brittany said with excitement and grabbed Santana's arm, dragging her up the stairs and towards their room, "I love New York, don't you?"

"Yeah," Santana nodded faintly as they walked inside. "I guess."

"What's the matter?" Brittany asked, choosing a huge double bed for them both and sitting down on the edge of it. "I thought you liked New York."

"I do," Santana shrugged and sat beside her, "Just brings back memories, of New Years Eve."

"Oh," Brittany suddenly remembered the night with the huge crowd and Santana's panic attack. "Sorry, I forgot."

"It isn't your fault," Santana shook her head. The door opened and the rest of the girls began piling in. Rachel came over but Santana snapped at her before she could say anything. "Get out of my face Berry before I throw your head through the fucking window!"

"Hey, don't be so hard on her," Finn told the Latina.

"You can shut up and all, I swear manhands if you even stand near me then I will literally just snap. Just stay out of my way and choose a bed at the far end of the room."

"Rachel, I'd do what she says if I were you," Quinn said. Rachel just rolled her eyes and walked away from Santana, Quinn and Brittany.

"God, I can't even be in the same room as her right now," Santana muttered under her breath and stormed out of the room.

"Shouldn't you go and check on her?" Mercedes asked Brittany.

"No," she whispered, "She needs to calm down, I just want to give her some air." Quinn nodded in agreement as they all began unpacking. She came back into the room soon after, asking to talk to Brittany. "Sure," Brittany whispered and they went into the bathroom to talk, Brittany locking the door behind them. "Are you okay?" Santana nodded. "You weren't a few minutes ago."

"Just Berry getting on my tits," Santana hissed through her teeth.

"Hey!" Brittany yelled and crossed her arms, "I'm your girlfriend, I'm the only one who's meant to get on those."

"It's a figure of speech Brittany," Santana laughed, "I didn't mean it literally."

"Oh," Brittany smiled and shrugged her shoulders, "That's okay then because I am not letting Rachel touch my girlfriend's boobs." Santana laughed as Brittany placed an arm round her shoulder, "Are you going to be okay then?" Santana nodded. "Hey, I was going to tell you after New York but I think I might tell you now instead."

"What?"

"At the end of the month, I have two tickets for us to go and watch The Ellen Show live."

"Really?" Santana asked. "I love that show."

"I know you do," Brittany smiled, "So, let's go and watch it live."

"You're the best girlfriend in the world, do you know that?"

"Yeah," Brittany said and gave Santana's hand a squeeze. "And so are you."

* * *

Santana sat in the armchair of the green room, arms folded across her chest, biting nervously on her nails. As she sat, she slowly rocked back and forth, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"San," Brittany walked in, "Come on, we'll be on next." When Santana didn't answer, Brittany began to panic. "Are you okay?" Santana shook her head, "What's the matter?" The blonde asked and went to kneel in front of her.

"I...I don't feel too good," Santana managed and sniffed, wiping at her eyes.

"You feel warm," Brittany said and placed the back of her hand on Santana's forehead. "Wait here," she stood up straight and fled the green room in a hurry. She soon came back with Holly, Quinn, Mr Schue and everyone else.

"We're on in literally seven minutes," Finn said in annoyance.

"What's going on?" Mr Schue asked.

"San doesn't feel well," Brittany informed everyone.

"Why are you babying her?" Rachel asked. "Isn't winning Nationals more important?"

"You're not even competing so I don't know why you care," Quinn snapped.

"Santana doesn't have a solo," Rachel pointed out. "Why don't you just leave her?"

"Santana, it's your choice," Mr Schue said, "Do you think you can perform or not?"

"I want to," Santana nodded with tears in her eyes. "It's probably just nerves."

"Why don't you sit out?" Holly asked but Santana shook her head. "Come on Santana, you've gone really pale."

"I don't want to sit out," Santana screamed.

"Fine, just all of you get out onto the stage," Mr Schue said. Brittany hugged Santana and helped her up before leading her through the door and to the stage with the others. Mr Schue and Holly watched from the sidelines as they started off with 'Some Nights' by Fun, followed by 'Payphone' by Maroon 5 and finishing off with 'We are never ever ever getting back together' by Taylor Swift. "You were all amazing!" Mr Schue told them all. "Well done Santana."

"Well done you," Holly hugged Santana, "Well done. Feel better?"

"A bit," Santana nodded. "Do you think we won?"

"It doesn't matter if you didn't," Mr Schue said, "You all did amazingly well."

"Yeah," Rachel sighed, "Well done guys, and you Santana."

"Thanks," Santana whispered, "It...It wasn't the same performing without you Rachel." Rachel smiled at that. Even though Santana still sounded angry and refused to smile at her, she took it as a compliment.

"Guys!" Kurt raced in, "The judges are just about to announce the winner, I can't breathe!"

"Calm down Kurt," Mr Schue calmed him, "Come on, let's go." They slowly made their way out onto the stage and stood as the judge announced the winner. Each one of them stood in silence until they heard it.

"And the winner of Nationals 2012 is...The New Directions from Lima, Ohio!"


	19. The Ellen Show

**J4M3Z XO: Haha I quite liked that line myself. And yay, they won! **

**franzih24: Thank you :)**

**Boris Yeltsin: Yep, they did.**

**JWilson18: I know, it's horrible when that happens. Glad you liked it.**

**Linneagb: Haha here's the next update.**

**Sorry guys but only one chapter left after this one :( I know we're all going to miss this story.**

"I am so glad that you got us tickets to go and see this," Santana beamed from ear to ear as she and Brittany took their seats in the live audience of The Ellen Show. "I love this show, you know those two little girls from England who sing Super Bass?"

"Sophia Grace and Rosie," Brittany nodded, "I love those two and they're so talented for such little girls."

"Hello everyone," Ellen then came out onto the stage and everyone began clapping, "And welcome to The Ellen Show. I'm Ellen as you all know. Now, today our guest is a brave teenage girl who has been suffering from anxiety." Santana's eyes widened as she glanced towards Brittany. "Please welcome onto the stage ladies and gentlemen, Santana Lopez."

"Come on," Brittany nudged Santana's arm and stood up.

"Wait, did...did you do this?" Santana asked and Brittany faintly nodded, pulling her up and out of her chair. Santana had no choice but to follow her out on the stage, shaking the presenters hand. She actually couldn't believe that she was this close to Ellen DeGeneres. She sat down and the two girls sat on the couch opposite her.

"Santana," Ellen smiled, "And who's this with you?"

"Um...my girlfriend," Santana mentioned as Brittany held her hand comfortingly, "Brittany."

"Nice to meet you both. So, Santana you have been suffering from quite a severe anxiety problem haven't you?" Santana nodded. "How...How is that? How does that feel?"

"Not great really," Santana shrugged, "I'm on medication but sometimes, my panic attacks stop me from doing things that I really like."

"Like what?"

"Performing mainly," Santana whispered, "I'm in a glee club at school and we enter competitions and stuff and I...I get panic attacks before going out onto stage. We've kind of been putting off day trips and vacations too because I...I just get scared that something might happen."

"Brittany, you're a lot of support for Santana right?" Ellen asked and Brittany nodded proudly. "Do you look after her?"

"Yeah I do," Brittany smiled, "She's my best friend and my girlfriend."

"So, does everyone at school know that you're here?" Ellen asked. "Do they know you're on TV?"

"They know we came to see it," Santana laughed, "But they don't know that I...I'm actually on the show."

"It'll be a surprise for them then, won't it?" Santana nodded. "So, how did the anxiety first start then Santana?" Ellen questioned. "You had this panic attack on Christmas Eve, right?"

"Yeah," Santana nodded, "And I had to stay overnight in hospital, because when...when I was little my uncle sexually abused me." Brittany reached across and rubbed at her back. "He's dead now but I still have the panic attacks. I couldn't even remember it at first, I was only six when it happened."

"You've been very brave with it all Santana," Ellen said.

"Thank you," Santana whispered and shrugged her shoulders, blushing bright red.

"Have you ever been to Disneyland before Santana?" Ellen asked but Santana shook her head, "In Florida, would you like to go?"

"Yeah, I guess," Santana nodded, "It's a lot of money though and stuff."

"Well today is your lucky day," Ellen pulled an envelope out of a paper bag and handed it to Santana. "In this envelope are some tickets to Disneyland Florida, including VIP passes. Your girlfriend here has helped me set it up so go ahead and enjoy yourselves."

"Thank you," Santana smiled as Ellen hugged her.

"Good luck," she whispered as Santana flung her arms round Brittany's neck.

"Thanks," she whispered as Brittany kissed her head, "You're the best."

* * *

"Hey Santana!" Finn raced over to Santana the next day at school. "I saw you on The Ellen Show last night, I can't believe you're going to Disneyland." Santana just shrugged her shoulders and went to her locker. "Look Santana, I...I'm really sorry that I've been horrible to you."

"Are you?" Santana asked. "You're only saying that because I was on TV last night and you think I'm famous."

"It isn't that at all," Finn shook her head as Santana closed her locker and leant back against it with her book held to her chest. "I feel really bad and I'd really like it if we were friends."

"Santana!" Mercedes, Tina and Kurt then raced over with excitement, "We saw you on Ellen!"

"What was it like?" Tina asked.

"Are you going to go to Disneyland?" Kurt asked as more students came up to talk to her about it. Santana just shoved past them all and headed straight into the library, taking a seat in the far corner. Rachel soon came up to her though.

"What do you want Berry?" Santana groaned.

"I'm really sorry, you know?" Rachel asked as she took a seat opposite Santana. "For telling everyone that you were cutting."

"Fine," Santana whispered without looking at Rachel.

"I am," Rachel reassured her, "I feel terrible and I...I want to try and sort things out between us. I know that you probably hate me and stuff but..."

"Then why did you do it?" Santana asked her. "Why the hell did you go and tell everyone?"

"I'm sorry!" Rachel yelled but then realised that she was in the library and went silent. "I'm sorry, I...I didn't mean to and I feel terrible."

"I'm not taking you to Disneyland with me if that's what you're after."

"I'm not after anything," Rachel shook her head, "I just want you to know how sorry I am." Quinn and Brittany soon came over to the table, glaring at Rachel.

"It's fine guys," Santana whispered to them, "Rachel was just saying sorry and I...I forgive you I guess," she shrugged her shoulders. "But to me, you'll always be manhands."

"Fine with me," Rachel laughed. "So, what was it really like being on Ellen?"

"It was good," Santana nodded, "Weird and unreal but good."

"You have the best girlfriend in the world," Quinn smiled, placing her arm round Brittany's shoulder.

"I know I do," Santana nodded, "She is definitely the best girlfriend in the world."

**Only one more chapter to go guys :( Hope you liked this one. **


	20. Happy Ever After

**Boris Yeltsin: Thank you :)**

**franzih24: Glad you liked it.**

**Linneagb: Haha. Aww, I'm sorry about that :(**

Santana was on her way to meet Holly in The Quiet Room later that day whilst everyone else was stuck in class. She swung her backpack onto her shoulder and pushed open the door to see Holly sitting at the round table in the centre of the room.

"You wanted to see me?" Santana asked and went to sit next to her.

"I did, saw you on Ellen," Holly smiled. "What was that like, huh?"

"Really good," Santana nodded with a smile. "And I'm going to Disneyland for free with VIP passes so I'm pretty excited about it all."

"Did you know that you haven't had a panic in a while?" Holly asked her, "And you've not gotten angry in a while either. That's really good." Santana smiled and thanked her quietly, "Which is why I am taking you for a meal at Breadstix, on me."

"Can Brittany come too?" Santana asked, "She loves it there."

"I don't see why not," Holly shrugged, "It can be a girly day out, what do you think?" Santana nodded. "You've done well kid, you've come a long way. Well done." Santana knew that she was right but she also knew that she wouldn't have come this far without the help of Holly, and Brittany of course.

* * *

"Do you remember when we came here with Finn?" Brittany asked as she tucked into her salad, stabbing at the lettuce leaves with her fork. Santana nodded. "That was funny, I kind of feel bad that we didn't let him talk though now."

"What do you mean?" Holly asked.

"We went on this date with Finn," Santana informed her, "But we didn't let him talk and just made him pay for dinner and stuff."

"Bitchy," Holly laughed and the two girls nodded in agreement. "Who wants cheesecake for dessert?"

"Me!" They squealed in unison. "I love the cheesecake here," Brittany said, "It's so good."

"Excuse me?" A ginger haired girl with glasses came over to their table and looked straight at Santana. "You're Santana, right? The girl who was on The Ellen Show because you have anxiety?" Santana shyly nodded. "I'm Kiara, I'm fourteen and I suffer from anxiety too."

"You do?" Santana asked.

"Yeah, you were a huge inspiration for me," Kiara said, "I now know that I'm not alone, thank you," she then hugged Santana.

"Don't mention it, I'd give you an autograph but I don't have a pen."

"You don't need to give me an autograph," Kiara giggled, "Meeting you in person was just enough. Thank you," she waved bye to Santana and skipped back off to her table.

"Wow, you have a fan," Brittany joked.

"I didn't know that I was inspiring," Santana said.

"Course you are," Holly told her, "You went on TV and there are loads of other people in the world suffering with the exact same problem as you. How are your parents taking it all?"

"They're being really supportive of me," Santana nodded, "It's nice."

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Brittany said with excitement as she reached into her purse, "I have a present for you Santana." She pulled out a small leather box and placed it on the table. Seeing Santana's worried look, she laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not proposing."

"What is it?" Santana asked as she took the box in her hands.

"Take a look," Brittany said as Santana opened it up to see a small, emerald ring inside. "It's a promise ring. I want to give it to you because I promise to always love you and to never leave your side."

"That's so sweet," Santana said as she picked up the ring and slipped it on her finger.

"Wow, looks expensive," Holly mentioned.

"It does," Santana whispered, "How could you afford it?"

"My grandma left me some money when she died," Brittany said, "I had just enough to buy the ring."

"You spent your grandma's money on me?"

"Well yeah," Brittany shrugged, "There was nothing that I wanted to buy, you mean so much to me Santana and I wanted to get you something special." Santana felt tears in her eyes. She got up from her seat and went round to give Brittany a kiss before hugging her tightly. "I want to marry you someday Santana, I want us to get married and have kids and grow old together."

"I want all that too," Santana sniffed, "I love you so much Brittany."

"And I love you," Brittany smiled, "Proudly so."

* * *

"Whee! Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!" Four year old James squealed as Brittany carried him down the stairs of their little house. "Again?"

"Not now sweetie," Brittany placed him on the floor and kissed his head. James giggled and clutched his stuffed bunny rabbit.

Brittany and Santana were both twenty five now and married with a son. James was four and Brittany had been the one to give birth to him. Now it was Santanas turn to be the pregnant one, she was four months along with their second kid.

"How are you?" Brittany asked, going into the living room. Santana was sat on the couch watching TV.

"Alright," she shrugged and yawned, "Tired."

"Why don't you go and lie down on the bed?" Brittany suggested. "I'll call you when dinners ready."

"Nah, I'll be fine."

"Mommy!" James babbled as he toddled into the room and climbed up onto the couch beside Santana. "Mommy."

"Careful darling," Brittany told him. "Careful."

"Sorry mommy," James said and sat still, playing with his rabbit. "Hungeee!"

"Food will be ready soon sweetheart," Santana told James. "Are you going to sit and watch TV with me?" James nodded. "Good boy."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Brittany asked.

"Yeah," Santana whispered. "Never been better."

"Hey when James is in bed, why don't we watch the episode of you on The Ellen Show?" Brittany asked.

"Do we have to? It brings back many bad memories."

"Hey, you're safe now," Brittany reassured her, "Nothing bad can happen to you."

"I know," Santana smiled, "I know."

"Come on, we can eat dinner and then all sit down to watch Finding Nemo."

"Yay!" James yelled. Brittany laughed and helped Santana up before lifting James into her arms. Then the three of them all walked into the kitchen together.

**The end! **

**Hope you liked the story. **


End file.
